She was saved.

Some say that there are no such things as a coincidence. Others say that a coincidence is a way of God showing himself. Regardless of what people say or believe, I choose to believe that coincidences are signs from God. Coincidences are what showed me the path, and I followed them right to Jesus.

There were many times in the past I would look back at my life and reflect. It always took form in either an eulogy or an obituary. How people would speak about me when I was dead. I often thought of how others would sum up my existence and it was always sad. For example, "Lorraine was such a smart beautiful person BUT could never get out of her own way." A tale of a girl who could never get it together. A tale of woe, of a child of abandonment, abuse, a lost soul, a beautiful disaster. Always a victim of life. I allowed this thinking to define me, becoming that person. It never crossed my mind that I could and would actually succeed at life. That my story could be a story of positivity, happiness and life.

When I came to Durham, I was running from myself, I had no expectations. I entered into a drug treatment program for mothers with children but again I had no expectations and certainly not any belief of true change or success. I was motivated, but I had been motivated many times before. Motivation with no real direction would only lead to catastrophe. I knew without a doubt I would tornado my way through this town leaving a destructive path of hurt and pain behind me like have done on more than one occasion.

The seemingly endless cycle of my addiction and its destruction was exhausting. I was a slave to a self-sabotage that went against my inner most being. I knew that I held some value to life I just needed to fix something inside myself in order to figure it out. Giving up and surrendering to anything, let alone God was not in my plan. But my plan, and God’s plan were not the same by all means, and his plan was better. Thank God!!

I don’t remember when the coincidences started. But the treatment program I found has an amazing team and I was able to trust them completely, and that was amazing. That trust allowed me to be open to change and the peace I was so desperately in need of. I started looking at all the coincidences and messages, and thought, what can hurt to follow them.

There were many, within days of each other. It all came to a head in the DSS office lobby. I come into contact with a couple and who I thought was a relative of one of them. They were looking for a place to stay together, the woman was pregnant. And the man helping her was in fact not a relative but someone from their church. Against all my being I walked up to them and asked if they needed help. I had informed them of some resources but I also informed them that they would have to separate in order to get help since they were not married. I sat and spoke with the woman as their friend made what seemed like a million phone calls. I knew it would be fruitless but he still made the calls.

But when I looked across the lobby at him I saw something else. I saw heart, I saw selflessness, I saw an honest soul, I saw my soul. I saw the true soul and I wanted to connect with that soul again. I can look back at this now and say that it was GOD showing himself to me. I believe that those who truly walk with God, his presence shines through them. And I saw it.

I did not know this at the time so when he told me about his church I was like sure okay, with no real intention of following up. But just in case I had him write it down. How can I go into a church? I was hopeless, broken, and lost. God was for the righteous. I was far from that.

Than, one day in group we spoke about God, and love. How could I find this God? I asked about him. The group leader started speaking about Jesus and his love for us and of her experience. For a spilt second; in a moment of deja vu, I felt it. I relieved that I had felt this before. I had felt the wholeness. I was not born empty, I became empty. Jesus’s love never left me, it was silenced with all the crap and garbage I had put on top of it. I found my way into a wonderful Christian woman’s orbit and called her with many questions. I had one Bible and it seemed like the biggest book I’ve come across. I had this Bible for a while and it was marked in one spot, at Psalm 139. And low and behold when I asked what I should read she told me Psalm 139. She invited me to get Bible study and welcomed me into her church, which was the same church as that the man from the DSS office had written down. I have not missed a Bible study or church since.

The Bible answers all my questions. It lives. I am always eager to absorb and exude any new found knowledge about Jesus and others experiences. I have gained a sense of calm and forgiveness not just of others but of myself.

My outlook on life looks very different. Now, when I look back at my life I am reminded of the story about Moses and sheep. Moses was tending to his father-in-law’s sheep and one of the sheep got scared and ran off. Moses followed the sheep, comforted her and brought her back to the flock. I was the sheep. Running, lost and terrified. And once I stopped running, I heard my name and turned around, there was Jesus. I was tired. I could not run anymore, I fell at his feet, asked for help, and surrendered. He took me up and brought me home. I am truly grateful That God has put his soldiers on my path to motivate and guide me, to answer my many questions and to welcome me. This is my salvation story, and this is only the beginning
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