How a 9-month ‘Facebook cleanse’ helped me discover my life’s purpose.
During the 2016 elections, I quickly grew tired of reading political posts on Facebook. Sure, I could’ve just unfriended or blocked certain users… but I just felt this strong frustration with Facebook as a platform. I know Facebook in itself is a genius social media platform and it helps me keep in touch with family and post the latest photos of my kids so they can see them instantly. But I found myself continuously checking Facebook, thinking of what to say, waiting for likes on posts and comparing the amount of likes from my most recent posts to the ones before it. But the more I was thinking of what to say and why, I grew more silent. Did I have nothing to say? Was I unsure of my opinions? Or was I too concerned that if I spoke my mind I’d loose certain connections? I just couldn’t figure it out.
One day in January, I woke up and spent my usual 15 minutes on Facebook and when I got off, I felt like I had just eaten an entire chocolate cake. No nutrition, all carbs. I felt full, but not inspired. I felt informed, but not wiser.
Donald Trump was now our president and the daily Facebook posts were getting more and more resentful (I have a mostly democratic and liberal friends list) and I just couldn’t handle the negativity anymore. It was too much. Sure, I didn’t vote for him and I still think he’s an irresponsible, bullying boy-man unfit for the job. But he was now our president and that was the reality. At least for the next 4 years. Period. More and more it became evident to me that I needed to go on a ‘Facebook Cleanse’ in order to shield myself from this political pissing contest. Since our family does not watch TV (except for Netflix and Amazon), the only sources of news at the time were Facebook and word-to-mouth.
Was I about to dive into a void of ignorance? Was my life about be isolated from the digital world that had been such a big part of my life? Was I making a mistake? Would I regret it later?
I thought maybe I should just delete my profile and get it over with. My finger was hovering over the delete button, but to deprive my 82-year old mother living back in Switzerland from at least seeing her grandchildren grow up on social media just didn’t feel right. So, I decided to deactivate my profile for a while instead and delete the Facebook app on my phone. I would still post an occasional Instagram photo, but more for artistic reasons as a filmmaker.
But I was now off of Facebook. [Insert Crickets here]
Utter Silence. No more distracting notifications. No more resentful posts. No more chocolate cake. The same day, I found myself in line at the post office swipping through my apps, habitually looking for the Facebook app. But I had deleted it. It was gone. I briefly toyed with the idea to download it again while in line and then delete it again. No, I had deactivated my account and that was gonna be that. I had to deal with it. I had to figure out other ways to keep myself ‘busy’ while waiting in line. At first it wasn’t easy, but it got easier and easier and eventually I even forgot about the app on the phone. And because I was no longer receiving notifications in my in-box either, I kinda forgot Facebook even existed.
February 2017 was definitely the breakthrough month for me since I was recovering from a hernia surgery I had in January and I spent 3 weeks at home in bed. Needless to say, I had a lot of time to think about what to do next in life. A friend of mine reached out during that time and invited me to join her for a 30-day body cleanse. I figured why not cleanse the body while I’m at it. I also decided to get a trainer after I was recovered from the surgery. I promised my wife I would work out every day for half an hour before going to work. Then, a dear friend of mine invited me to come check out his Venice Beach based acting studio and after the audit I decided that I wanted to get out of my comfort zone once a week and perform in front strangers. While in acting class I met a personal branding coach who I decided to start working with right away to further define who I am and what my ‘brand’ would be.
To be honest, I felt a bit overwhelmed to take all these things on at the same time. But life is short and I had grown tired of putting things off. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a doer and I get stuff done. But there were certain areas of my life, especially health and fitness, that I struggled with. And this is a guy who used to bodybuild for 2 hours a day and 7 days a week in his twenties. Reality was, I had gained 30lbs since my wife and I had our first child in 2009 and I was more out-of-shape than ever before. So, the least I could do was to try this 30-day cleanse and start working out again.
And today I am proud to say that I’ve achieved a great amount of results by just focusing on what really matters to me; time with family, creating art, eating healthy & loosing weight, having empowering conversations with friends & strangers based in love not fear, getting clarity around the future of my business and continously chipping away at the ego so I would eventually have an enlightened moment in which my life’s purpose would be revealed to me. Sounds a bit out there, right? A bit idealistic? Overzealous?
I actually did it all. I stayed off of Facebook for 9 months, I lost 30lbs, I started merging my commercial production company with a social media company, I‘ve spent some time in the jungle of Ecuador, and with the help of my branding coach I finally discovered my life’s purpose: to coach couples with children who are going through a difficult time in their relationship. I also started a podcast that is now on iTunes called “You. Love. Life.” where I have conversations with my guests on the topics of Love, Sex, Intimacy, Marriage and more. (Guests include my wife, a former pornstar, a sex researcher, an acting coach, a priest, a transgender artist etc. ). A great friend and mentor of mine helped me set it up right and get it from concept to iTunes in under 2 months.
I had never been so fulfilled and inspired in my entire life. The more I would discover my purpose, the more I would work out. And the more I worked out the more I’d eat healthy. And the healthier I felt the more self-confident I became. And the more self-confident I became, the more my wife and I would reconnect our own spirits and feel the love and the intimacy that had gotten lost after 12 years of marriage and raising our two kids.
Making a difference in the world is addictive. It makes me jump out of bed in the morning with a smile. For real.
Today, I’ve returned to Facebook and social media because I have found my voice. Social media isn’t bad. It’s as good as what we use it for. I now have something to say and my posts from here on will be about bringing love and peace to relationships, especially couples with children who are struggling in their marriage. I am lit up by the thought of being able to coach couples through rough times. My stand will always be for the children involved. I believe that any co-parenting scenario can be filled with love, respect and peace. For the sake of our new generation it is my commitment to reduce the national divorce rate. Period.
Side note: while I was typing this post, I got a call from a producer friend of mine to go meet a French investor who wants to turn a short film I made 3 years ago into a feature film. Could it be that this new shift in life had something to do with my intense personal transformation? Could it be that once we discover our true purpose in life, everything else just lines up effortlessly? Who knows, but I know it’s pretty darn cool to be on this ride.
In closing, I want to acknowledge all my dear friends and family who were my motivators and coaches during this time. I couldn’t have caused all these great results without you!
We can only get so far on our own. Great results are achieved when we get support from our community. Great performances require great coaching. I’ll leave it at that.
Never stop searching for your voice. Speak loudly and help others. You will live a fulfilled life! You got my word!