A Chinese Ghost Story 倩女幽魂
Disappearing into a high-spirited genre- (and gender-?) bending fusion of traditional folklore and modern flair, starring Leslie Cheung 張國榮.
Whaaaa? No Chow Yun-fat 周潤發?! I know. I can’t believe it either. But this day was gonna come at some point. I couldn’t veer too far away though, so I chose something CYF-adjacent and decided to jump on the Leslie Cheung 張國榮 track, his co-star in A Better Tomorrow 英雄本色 and Once A Thief 縱橫四海, and whose music drop-kicked me in my heart and propelled me into this nostalgia hole.
There are bits and pieces of this movie that strike me vividly. The title, I hear my dad’s voice specifically saying it in my head. It’s also the name of the movie’s theme song, which Leslie sang; its melody instantly recognizable. Like it sends a charge right to my chest and for a brief moment, I actually forget to breathe. It’s also eerie to me—appropriate and obvious for a literal ghost story I realize, but there’s another level to it. Hearing Leslie’s voice, I can’t help but be very aware that he’s dead, and I can’t think about his death without thinking about how he died. And then I get a big peckish so I go get a snack and forget all about it because life, it goes on. Until I’m reminded again when he pops up onscreen.
In this case, he pops up as a lowly tax collector who… well, I’ll let the plot summary explain.
Plot summary from IMDb:
After a string of bad luck, a debt collector has no other choice than to spend the night in a haunted temple, where he encounters a ravishing female ghost and later battles to save her soul from the control of a wicked tree demon.
Oh yeah, this is gonna be a fun one. Loosely based on a short story from Strange Tales from a Chinese Studio 聊齋誌異 by Pu Songling 蒲松齡, A Chinese Ghost Story 倩女幽魂 is a period piece with contemporary sensibilities. A wild and enchanting mix of star-crossed romance, wire-fu, and the supernatural. A true Hong Kong classic, it even became such a cult classic in China that they did a remake of it recently, which I didn’t even know was possible since I thought China banned ghost movies. But TIL it’s okay if it’s “grounded in traditional Chinese culture” or if it was “all just a dream”. #OKchina
Anyway, Leslie plays Ning Choi-san, our hapless and unlikely hero.
Simple in mind and pure of heart, Ning Choi-san is the quintessential fool. His life is full of mishaps and ridiculous happenstance, the latter of which often ends up saving his life without him even realizing.
Soaked from the rain, he finally arrives in a rural town. As he attempts to dry off, a couple guards yell at him to stop. They grab him to compare his face to some sketches of wanted criminals (Ah, the very early days of facial recognition in China!) and back him right smack into a stall selling fu 符 (Daoist paper talismans/charms). Once they confirm he’s not a fugitive, they let him go, but as he walks away, the shopkeeper (played by Yeung Yau-cheung 楊又祥) sees that Ning Choi-san has a bunch of fu stuck to his back, so now it’s his turn to yell at him to stop. This sets off a rather silly and literal running gag where any time anyone yells stop, the guards jump to assume someone must be making a run for it and immediately give chase. It sounds dumb, but like the bread bit, it never fails to make me giggle. While the guards rush blindly into the crowd, the shopkeeper catches up to Ning Choi-san and peels the fu off his back.
Ning Choi-san tries to collect dues from a tavern, but when he finds his logbook completely ruined by the rain, the owner decides he doesn’t have to pay and tosses him out. Stuck, he asks the shopkeeper from earlier if there’s a place he can stay for free. The shopkeeper points him toward Orchid Temple, on the outskirts three miles east.
Night falls as Ning Choi-san walks through the woods, clutching his lantern. After escaping a pack of wolves, he arrives at Orchid Temple but gets caught in a crossswing (The sword equivalent for crossfire?? Though the sounds of swords clashing here sound more like “pew pew!” I wanna talk to the foley artist!) between two Daoist swordsmen. Yin Chek-ha (played by Wu Ma 午馬) and Hsia Hou (played by Lam Wai 林威) have been embroiled in a seven-year-long battle.
The duel ends when Yin Chek-ha lands a cut to Hsia Hou’s arm and the two come to a standstill with Ning Choi-san right in the middle. Terrified, he rambles, imploring them to lay down their swords. He tells them they’re both right and sputters platitudes like an IG inspirational woo-woo account. The universe is infinite! True love is eternal! Be kind to one another! Love is the most powerful weapon of all! Hsia Hou gets annoyed and blocks him, I mean, takes off. Yin Chek-ha also leaves. He tells Ning Choi-san to GTFO, as the temple is no place for a man like him. Love and compassion will not be enough to protect him here! Except, it’s not like there’s a DoubleTree across the street so Ning Choi-san has no choice but to hunker down in the temple for the night. Also, he has no money, so beggars can’t be choosers.
As Ning Choi-san settles in, he hears noise coming from above and decides to investigate.
But juuust as he’s about to get to the top, he’s lured away by the bewitching siren song of Nip Siu-sin (“Siu-sin”, played by Joey Wang/Wong 王祖賢, who is also CYF-adjacent!).
Unbeknownst to him, Siu-sin is a honeypot ghost enslaved to an evil genderfluid (Mm-hmm!) tree demon, who uses her to seduce men so they can consume their yang energy/life force. Hsia Hou had no clue either and as such, fell prey to Siu-sin charms just hours before.
Yin Chek-ha, though, knows all too well. He discovers his rival dead and resolves to give him a proper burial. But then! Zombie Hsia Hou rises and attacks! So Yin Chek-ha unleashes some bad-ass Daoist defense against dark arts.
So Ning Choi-san has no idea he’s walking into a honeytrap. I mean, he’s not the most astute in general, but lucky for him, his cluelessness, and his kind heart (Because love is the most powerful weapon!), keep him alive. After falling into the water trying to help her retrieve her veil, Siu-sin flirts with him but he’s more concerned about how cold and pale she is and how she should go see a doctor. When she coaxes him to warm her with his body, he sneezes and shoves her away to avoid moistly assaulting her. Feigning hurt, she asks him to carry her back inside, but he drops her and tells her she’s too heavy for one person to lift, LOL. Dude has zero clue and negative game.
He starts to suggest getting someone else to help when she blows a gentle puff of ghost vapour into his face that knocks him out. Well, it could just be halitosis (halighostis!), but it also produces a high-pitched UFO sound so I’m pretty sure it’s meant to be an otherworldly ability. She’s about to prep him for the tree demon, but her ghosty senses tingle when she hears Yin Chek-ha in the distance, so she makes like a what she is and disappears. This sends Ning Choi-san barreling back into the water, jolting him back into consciousness. Flustered, he paddles frantically and pulls himself up onto the dock, only to discover the mysterious beauty has left her guzheng behind!
Ning Choi-san catches up to her in the woods, but before he can return the instrument to her, a snake slithers up to them, bearing its fangs. Despite being terrified, he shields her with his body then tries to stomp it to death. When snake fights back, he loses all courage.
Siu-sin whispers they need to stay quiet, as the bearded man who lives at Orchid Temple (aka Yin Chek-ha) is out to kill her. Ning Choi-san offers to lure him away so that she can escape, and ghoul melts at his kindness. A guy who isn’t just trying to get into her robe?! Where has he been all her afterlife?! He vows to meet up with her again tomorrow night then runs off.
Unfortunately, Yin Chek-ha sees Ning Choi-san moving in the bushes, and thinking he’s Siu-sin, goes in for the kill. Siu-sin, who’s been watching from high up in the trees, yelps and whooshes in. Yin Chek-ha sets off in hot pursuit and hurls a flying needle at her. But Tree Demon pops up and raises a sapling from the ground to take the hit!
Tree Demon screams for Yin Chek-ha to leave them alone as the men they killed all deserved it. Besides, they both want to rid the world of bad guys so they’re more alike than different. Yin Chek-ha scoffs. He doesn’t negotiate with treeorists!
The next morning, Yin Chek-ha finds Ning Choi-san at the temple and tries to scare him into leaving. First by telling him it’s haunted, then by threatening to kill him. Neither work, so he’s like, meh, I tried. Both men think the other is hopeless and go their separate ways. Agree to disagree then! The zombies meanwhile lurk in the dark. But as luck would have it…
With the records in his logbook all washed out, he decides to fill in the numbers himself and head back into town to collect. The folks there are shocked he survived the night at Orchid Temple. He returns to the docks in the evening in search of Siu-sin, but hears the sound of her guzheng coming from elsewhere. He finds her at her place. She insists he stay away from her, but before he has the chance to leave, Siu-ching (played by Xue Zhilun 薛芷倫), another one of Tree Demon’s yang-luring bitches (birches? Yass birch yass!), shows up at her door. She hides him under water in her bath so they can’t detect his human scent. Siu-ching enters and is immediately suspicious. Siu-sin says she’s still getting ready and doesn’t want to keep Tree Demon waiting. Speak of the devil…
Tree Demon (played by Lau Siu-ming 劉兆銘 in drag!) storms in, accusing Siu-sin of keeping a man from them. She denies it, but they show her the note they found in which she warns Ning Choi-san to steer clear. (Girl, ghost him. You can do that literally!)
Tree Demon, who speaks in both a male and female voice (!!! It’s so bizarre yet so perfect.), announces she’s betrothed to Lord Black of the Underworld, whom she will marry in three days. They get her to try her wedding dress on. Throughout this, Ning Choi-san struggles to hold his breath while Siu-ching tries to find out what Siu-sin is hiding.
Siu-sin manages to fend off Siu-ching’s meddling, but just as Ning Choi-san resurfaces for air again…
She tells Tree Demon she wants to take a bath before heading out to snag another guy for them to suck the life out of. They’re all, yum yum, can’t wait to inhale all that yang, so they drag Siu-ching out with them. Siu-ching remains unconvinced though and double-backs. But all she finds is Siu-sin chillin’ in the bathtub, who tells her to calm down; in three days, her room will be hers. Please, Tree Demon will likely turn it into a gym. A jungle gym!
Finally alone, Ning Choi-san tries to convince Siu-sin to run away with him. She tells him she don’t want no scrub to drive him away. It works. But not for long. When Ning Choi-san heads back into town the next day, he spots a police sketch of a fugitive killer that looks exactly like Yin Chek-ha. Concerned Siu-sin is in danger, he steals a horse and rides back to save her.
Yin Chek-ha ain’t no killer though. Of humans at least. Rather, he slays evil forces. And his verses. Yes, everyone. He raps.
Ning Choi-san finds Siu-sin. She can’t believe he came back for her. It starts to rain and they take cover… And take each other’s clothes off! Hey-yo! Sally Yeh 葉蒨文 (Also CYF-adjacent!) sings, begging dawn to not come 黎明不要來. (Because Chinese ghosts perish in the sunlight.)
A few minutes of tender kissing and nuzzling intercut with moments the two have shared later, Ning Choi-san and Siu-sin bask in post-coital glow.
By ringing the bells on Siu-sin’s anklet, Ning Choi-san unknowingly summons Tree Demon. Siu-sin pushes him to leave, but dude wants to stay for breakfast! So she shoves him away and ghosts, leaving him to get his yang sucked? Except somehow Tree Demon doesn’t show up, so I guess he didn’t jingle the bells hard enough? Anyway, Ning Choi-san takes his walk of shame through the woods with his yang intact. Whatever confusion he may have of Siu-sin vanishing vanishes when he spots her just ahead of him.
He tells Siu-ching he thought she was someone else and turns to leave. Siu-ching has other ideas.
At the exact same moment, Yin Chek-ha also shows up. Siu-sin swiftly gets out of the way, but Siu-ching…
Ning Choi-san pulls Siu-sin up onto his horse and they gallop off. But when he looks back, she’s disappeared yet again and he assumes he lost her. He races back to town to report the murder he witnessed. Yin Chek-ha catches up and informs him the woman he killed was not a human being; she was a ghost! Ning Choi-san refuses to believe him, so Yin Chek-ha says he can prove it.
Yin Chek-ha then convinces Ning Choi-san to stay so that he can use him as bait to get rid of the ghosts once and for all. He hands him a bell to alert him when they arrive, and a sutra for protection. Ning Choi-san can’t read Sanskrit though so he leaves him with one mantra to recite: “Bo Ye Bo Luo Mi” — the tones of the first five characters of「般若波罗蜜多心经」from the Chinese translation of the heart sutra. (LOL, I remember this mantra fondly from my youth ’cause kids in my class would chant it under their breath during prayer. Yeah, I went to a Catholic school. My parents sent me there not because I needed Jesus in my life, but for the discipline, the uniform, and the after-school Chinese class.)
Before long, Siu-sin appears. Ning Choi-san tells her he can’t trust her; ghosts are evil. She tears up and tries to explain #notallghosts: She came from a good family! But then she was murdered and her dad buried her under an old tree (A cemetree perhaps?) without knowing its roots (hehe) to Tree Demon. She’s been enslaved and whored out for yang throughout her entire afterlife! She reveals her only hope would be if her remains are removed from the cemetree and brought home so she can reincarnate. Ning Choi-san softens. With new determination, he vows to free her. He urges her to go before Yin Chek-ha finds her. She urges him to leave as she was sent to kill him. But before either of them can…
Ning Choi-san busts open the sutra. It sends Tree Demon’s Treemendous Tongue of Terror crashing back. But also Siu-sin!
Furious, the Treemendous Tongue of Terror lashes out in full force and manages to grab hold of Ning Choi-san, thirstin’ and thrustin’ hard for his yang. Siu-sin recovers and unravels her Robust Robe of Righteousness to save her man.
They make a break for it, but the Treemendous Tongue of Terror breaks free.
Siu-sin screams at him to run. He bolts down the mountain as fast as he can, but Tree Demon ensnares him with branches. Totally trapped, Ning Choi-san thinks he’s done for when suddenly, a big ball of fire comes blasting through. Hermione?! No, it’s Yin Chek-ha!
Tired of their bullshit, he challenges Tree Demon to a fight. And guys, it is an epic fight.
Unfazed, Yin Chek-ha lays the smackdaon.
Ning Choi-san runs over to Siu-sin, which distracts Yin Chek-ha, allowing Tree Demon to grab hold of him with their Treemendous Tongue of Terror. As he struggles to escape, he yells at Ning Choi-san to stab the tongue with one of his flying needles.
Freed from the Treemendous Tongue of Terror, Yin Chek-ha drives his sword into it and hangs on with all his might as it speeds toward Ning Choi-san.
But just when they think they’re at a safe enough distance from the tongue…
Uh… This is a lot for one man’s yang yo. But I guess if you need your fix, you need your fix. Or maybe the other men’s yang have been cut with toxic masculinity, so they’re looking for something more pure?
Tree Demon retreats, taking Siu-sin with them. Ning Choi-san jumps in after her, but Yin Chek-ha pulls him back and calls him insane for getting mixed up in this ghost business. Siu-sin is bad news! Ning Choi-san can’t walk away though. He made a promise. He begs the Daoist swordsman to help him. This really gets Yin Chek-ha in the feels. Here is he, a recluse who wanted to get away from all the evil in the world. Someone who acts like a ghost in front of humans and then acts human in front of ghosts — to the point where he is neither. Yet Siu-sin is a ghost who just wants to be human. He cries into Ning Choi-san’s shoulder and pledges his sword, and bow, and axe, and fu, and flying needles.
The next morning, they dig. However, they find multiple urns. Unable to discern which one is Siu-sin’s, they decide to load them all into Ning Choi-san’s backpack. He removes the sutra to make room and stuffs it down his shirt to keep the evil spirits at bay. They race to get out of the forest before it gets dark, but find themselves trapped and galloping in circles — the work of dark forces trying to keep them from leaving. Yin Chek-ha reaches into his quiver of Daoist arrows and BYBLMs (“Bo Ye Bo Luo Mi!”) them the fuck out.
They arrive at the tavern. It looks like it’s prepping for some kind of celebration but it’s also completely deserted. The waiter pops up and shows them to their room. Ning Choi-san quickly unloads the urns onto the table. One by one, the souls emerge and thank them as they leave, but Siu-sin remains out of sight. Ning Choi-san grips the last one, pleading for Siu-sin to come out. A male voice responds. Ning Choi-san is crushed. Psych! It was just the waiter checking in. Siu-sin’s actually behind him! Yin Chek-ha leaves the lovers to reunite. They don’t have ghost sex. Instead, they write sexy poetry together?
Okay, okay, this is actually supposed to be super romantic. Essentially, they’re proclaiming their undying love for each other in writing on a painting of her. The painting being the only remnant of her existence before she reincarnates, so Ning Choi-san can hold on to it — and their love — forever. SWOON AND SOB. They hold each other one last time, Siu-ching wishing dawn would never come.
Outside, Yin Chek-ha’s Dao-dy senses tingle.
In the kitchen, he discovers “blood [steamed] buns”.
It’s a literal translation of what he says in Canto:「血饅頭 」, which is related to an idiom that means “to take advantage of others’ misfortune”. Definitely not an auspicious sign. He rushes back to the room and informs Ning Choi-san and Siu-sin the tavern is haunted. They need to GTFO now! Move, move, move!
They scurry out, but the Hellmouth opens and sucks Siu-sin in. They realize it must be Lord Black collecting his bride. Yin Chek-ha tells Ning Choi-san there’s not much time to save her; they can go after her, but they’ll have to return before dawn. Dawn’s the worst, man. Always ruining things.
Of course, one does not walk into the Underworld.
With Siu-sin chained to his tower of skulls, Lord Black commands his army of darkness to go after Yin Chek-ha and Ning Choi-san. Yin Chek-ha flings Ning Choi-san into the air and back with his sword to save Siu-sin while he kicks demon ass! He faces off with the Evil Dead Field-Marshal I guess? You know what I mean, whatever you call the highest ranking guy in the army.
Ning Choi-san cuts Siu-sin’s chains with Yin Chek-ha’s sword and they fly for the exit.
With no escape, they’re forced to turn back. Lord Black pulls Yin Chek-ha and Ning Choi-san toward him and they hurtle through the air. Siu-sin unravels her Red Robe of Rescue and Recovery.
Unfortunately, the fabric rips. Yin Chek-ha grabs on to a pole, anchors his foot to the ground with his sword, and catches Ning Choi-san just as he whizzes by. In tears, Siu-sin gets on her knees and begs Lord Black to let them go. He demands she smash her urn. She’s about to comply when Ning Choi-san and Yin Chek-ha both lose their grip. Siu-sin flies into action.
All hell, or actually, heads break loose from Lord Black’s cloak.
Lord Black then grabs Ning Choi-san and Yin Chek-ha with his intestines (???). Yeah, I don’t know! They might be tongues but they uncoil from his body, but at the same time, his body was made of heads and I don’t know the anatomy of a demon okay? They didn’t cover that in health class! Anyway, in doing so, he rips open Ning Choi-san’s shirt, which, if you will remember, is where he stuffed the sutra. And if you didn’t, like I had forgotten, well, it is a beautiful surprise!
With Yin Chek-ha badly injured, Ning Choi-san carries him out. They make it back to earth just as the sun starts to come up. Yin Chek-ha tells him to hurry with Siu-sin. He reaches to pull her out of the Hellmouth but Hellena Gomez still can’t keep their hands to themselves (I mean they could, but why would they want to?).
Ning Choi-san braces himself against the shutters to block more light from coming in so Siu-sin can return to her urn safely. The two lovers tearfully say goodbye, unable to look at each other one last time. NO SWOON JUST SOB.
Ning Choi-san fulfills his promise and buries Siu-sin’s remains in their rightful place. He and Yin Chek-ha then ride off. Into a rainbow sunset.
THE END.
Oh man, between this and An Autumn’s Tale 秋天的童話, 1987 was a great year in HK cinema for love stories. I used to feel weird for not having seen Evil Dead or A Princess Bride (I still haven’t) and left out of the collective nostalgia that my peers share, but y’know, based on my very loose understanding of their premises, this feels like a mix between those two cultural touchstones anyway. Truly a gem, and like Ning Choi-san with Siu-sin’s painting, I will cherish this forever! Excuse me as I compose some sexy poetry about it.
