4 Steps You Need to Know to Plug “Energy Leaks” in Your Life
How to use journaling, meditation, and other exercises to help establish boundaries and care for your mind and body.
Energy leaks can be a big drain on our lives. As the name suggests, they can leave us feeling tired, run-down, and like we’ve gotten nowhere. When I have energy leaks in my life, it feels like I waste away and accomplished nothing with my time. This is different than taking time for yourself to rest and recover. Rest and recovery is time spent with a purpose and for a reason. Recovery makes me feel rejuvenated and ready for anything. But wasted time makes me feel anxious and down.
I’ve heard energy leaks compared to a big bucket full of holes. The water is like your energy and the bucket is like your life. Too many holes and you’re perpetually tired- catering to everyone else’s needs but your own. But plug those leaks, and you’ll feel energized and ready to tackle anything.
So what creates these energy leaks? Things like:
- Lack of boundaries
- Not taking care of yourself
- Do things for fear of what others will think of you, even if you know they’re not in your best interest
How can we plug these energy leaks?
- Establishing clear and healthy boundaries
- Choosing your path and where you will focus
- Taking care of yourself — in mind and body
- Not worrying about judgment or opinions- doing what you know is best for you
How can you get better at plugging leaks? Some things that have worked well for me are:
- Meditating
- Journaling
- Exercise, good diet
- Being honest with yourself about what you need and want
- Explaining those things to the people who care about you so they can understand, respect and help you obtain them
- Understanding your limits, and holding yourself to those limits
- Doing your best to make plans ahead of time. I’ve found it much easier to take care of myself by making a plan that honors my limits and sticking to it- versus just winging it after things get dicey. That way I don’t have to “figure it out” during the moment, but I have something to fall back on.
- Try saying “no” and see how your friends respond. I’d guess that they don’t care as much as you think, and they’re ok with you taking care of yourself. If not, it may be worth evaluating those relationships.
- If there is something I know I want to get done in a day or week or weekend, do it as soon as possible. I like to get it out of the way early so I can relax and not worry about what comes up or what others want to do.
- Don’t put yourself in situations where you know you have to act out of consensus with what others want to do. If you must, then have a plan for what you’ll say or have an excuse to remove yourself from the situation.
How can you recognize energy leaks in your life?
Try this exercise:
Step 1: Write down everything you did this week. Be as detailed as possible. It’s probably not necessary to list everything you’ve done for work unless you work from home or for yourself.
Step 2: Now go through each item on the list and give it one of these categories and subcategories:
- Time For Myself — enjoyment, self-care, needs, wants, or entertainment
- Time With Others — I planned or others planned, and enjoyed myself or didn’t really enjoy myself
Step 3: Now go through the items marked as Time For Myself.
- Are there any themes?
- How much time are you spending on self-care?
- How much are you spending on entertainment? Are you mindlessly watching TV or scrolling through social media?
- Are you taking the time to enjoy yourself and address your wants and needs?
Step 4: Now go through the items marked as Time With Others.
- Are there any themes here?
- How much are you planning versus others?
- When others planned things did you enjoy them, or did you just go along so you don’t rock the boat?
Get the point? You need to take a critical eye to your life and how you’re spending your time. I’m not saying you need to always get your way or that all your activities must always be productive or working towards some goal. My wife and I both enjoy our weekend ritual of popcorn and “Outlander.” But everything has its limits. We don’t spend all day Saturday working through a TV marathon. We have balance. If we want to watch TV, we’ll make sure we have other goals and items accomplished prior to and TV will be a way we can rest and recover from the day.
Plugging energy leaks means making conscious choices for how you spend your time.
Am I making sense? It’s ok if someone else plans something and it’s ok if it’s not your favorite thing to do, but you need to make a conscious choice about it. For example, I know I don’t want to stay out late or drink too much because it will make me incredibly tired the next day and I highly value quality sleep so I can work toward the goals I have set for myself.
So if I’m hanging out with friends, I’ll set boundaries around time and alcohol because I know myself and what I need. If I do choose to stay out late for a special occasion or something, I make sure to manage my own expectations about what will get done and happen the next day. I can go with the flow and enjoy special nights with friends, and purposefully use the next day to rest and recover- but it has to be my choice. I refuse to let myself be pressured into something I know is not for me.
The hardest part of this is knowing yourself and figuring out what you need. That’s where the meditation and journaling come into play. I’ve found no better way to understand how I’m feeling and what’s going on in that grey matter between my ears than to meditate and journal. It really has been life-changing for me and I suggest you pick up the habit today if you haven’t already.
Here is the format I use in the mornings to write and journal:
I set my daily intention, usually just one sentence about how I want to be that day. Repeats are ok. Here’s an example:
What’s my daily intention? To stay focused on the present moment and live my life mindfully and with intention and purpose.
I have a set of daily affirmations I read to remind myself what I’m working toward and what my future self looks like. Here’s what I’ve been using for the last several months:
I am a writer, I am a creator, I am a brother and man connected to his primal masculine, and my wife and I have an amazing, wonderful, and sexually intimate relationship.
There are also certain commitments I’ve made to my wife, and things I know I want to be for her. I read the commitments I’ve made every day as a reminder of what kind of husband I want to be for her. Then I write this question, and answer it:
How will I recommit to my wife today?
I usually write a short paragraph on how I slept or how the day before was, how I’m feeling about anything that’s come up, etc. After doing this every day for years, I’ve gotten to know myself much better and can now identify how I’m feeling during the moment. This has enabled me to take care of myself much better since knowing what I need is half the battle. Not sure where to start when describing your feelings? That’s ok, try starting with this list of core emotions from Brene Brown.
The other half of the battle is telling other people what you need. That was also difficult for me to figure out. But then I realized I was just making up stories in my own head about how I assumed people would react or feel if I told them what I needed. I was probably assuming the worst and felt afraid of that worst-case scenario. But once I realized that I was assuming the worst, it became much easier to just talk to people and trust their true reaction. Back to my going out example, once I realized that if I told people I didn’t want to go out, they would just say “ok” and move on, then it became much easier. The hardest part is overcoming that initial starting friction. Muster up the strength to try it just once, and once you see that it’s not as big of a deal as you’re making it out to be, continuing to do it will be much easier.
On the other hand, if your “friends” do make a big deal about you taking care of yourself in this way, then I’d suggest reflecting on those relationships and how important they are in your life. In my view, true friends care about you and will respect your boundaries and what you need. If they’re not respecting you and giving you this, then it’s worth finding others who will or who are more aligned with your values. This may be hard and probably painful, but you’ve made a choice to grow and improve to get better. Don’t let others from your past hold you back and weigh you down. This includes family members! If you can’t live without them, then lead by example and show them how living this renewed life can make a difference. Hopefully, they’ll choose to follow and start their own journey. If not, a great friend of mine called this “loving from a distance.” Love them, but still give yourself enough space to take care of yourself.
After plugging these leaks you’ll feel renewed and energized. Ready to take on the day and get shit done. That’s great! Make a plan, write down some goals, and get to work. |
Spread the mess:
Remember those words once shared with me “your mess becomes your message?” Help me spread the mess and share this with just one person you know. If you enjoyed this story please let me know by leaving a response below!
