Relationships at work: the road to marriage or unemployment?
By TRISOFT team
There are many do’s and don’ts about your workplace — mistakes we are bound to make and advices we can take from those who have been there already. And when it comes to relationships, the workplace is often a minefield ready to blow up at any wrong step.
Most people don’t go to a job with the mindset that they’ll meet their big love there — but it’s often the case that when you’re focusing on your career, love just seems to come as a bonus. You might be surprised to find out how common it is for people to fall for each other at their workplace.
It has been estimated by various surveys on the topic that up to half of us meet our future partners at work. In fact, a survey conducted by Vault.com discovered that almost 60% of office workers had dated a colleague at least once in their careers. Sure, a lot of people have tried it, but the opportunities for it to go wrong are many — the worst being that it can affect your job. So is it really a good idea to date a colleague and, if you do, is there anything you can do to make sure it works out?
Advantages
On the same topic
Meeting your partner at work has quite a few obvious plus points, the first being the fact that you will for sure have at least one thing in common. Also, when you come home after work you know for sure that your significant other will actually understand your ’office’ stories, as they will know the place and the people and will be more likely to empathize. We often hear people say that they prefer to date within their own professional circle, as those who do what you do will more likely get your troubles and accept your crazy schedule, if that’s the case.
However, this can work against you just as well. Some might say that the more things you have to talk about, the more things you have to argue about too.
Known territory
When you go out with a co-worker, you also have the advantage to have had the time and opportunity to study that person quite closely before deciding to start dating them. You might also have a common friend or two that can give you a few inside stories. You get to see them around the office, at lunch, in the morning and at the end of the program, so it’s quite probable to catch a glimpse of how they are in more than one situation. This is obviously safer than meeting people in a club, on your holiday (these are notoriously short-life stories) or even in blind dates arranged by friends.
Convenience
This factor is really appreciated among its fellows. It’s not hard to imagine: you work together, during the day, go out at lunch, plan your evening, get home together each day, have more or less the same group of friends who know and like both of you. Everything is in order, so why bother go somewhere else?!
A happy employer
In a desirable state of things, if you’re having a serious relationship with a co-worker, this will only benefit your job. You won’t be stressed out about leaving the office earlier to meet your partner, so you will be willing to spend a few more minutes on your office duties. You will have a more relaxed and calm state of mind knowing your partner is close to you and in case of any emergency you can just walk up to them. Also, you have someone to calm you down when you feel like you are losing it and even to offer you some assistance on the job, if they happen to do the exact same job as you do.
All in all, it sounds like a win-win situation, unless…
Disadvantages
Seeing too much of each other
If you’re relationship isn’t all that solid yet, you might get bored of one another quite easily since you are around all day long and then in the evening again. If you live together as well, things can get a bit too crowded.
Too many butterflies to be working to
Sometimes your infatuation is so strong that you can only think about your lovely girlfriend/boyfriend even when you’re working. Of course, this happens in any situation, but at least if you work in opposite parts of the city, you will make more efforts to focus and get the job done before running into their arms. If they are two steps away and you keep visiting them every half an hour, it might become a bit dangerous for your employment status.
Keeping it a secret
Many of those who try to date a co-worker think they can pull this off. Reality shows that little can actually do it. The workplace is like a spider’s web — everyone knows everyone and everybody talks about everybody. So if you’re living under the impression that your relationship is a secret, be sure the miracle won’t last more than 3 days.
It’s true that some companies discourage dating between colleagues, but if you’re honest and professional about it, all unpleasant situations can be avoided and you can have a healthy, out-in-the-open relationship. Unless, of course, you dig the adrenaline rush of bumping into your boss in the parking lot while you’re confessing love to one another :)
The break-up drama
It’s all fun and games until someone breaks up with someone. Then the actual fun begins. In normal life. if you look at the person you thought you would marry and realize you can’t actually stand the sight of them anymore, you can just break up and go on with your stuff without much disruption. But when this person is a co-worker, you will have to at least try to keep a professional relationship with them, no matter how ugly things end. People will talk, colleagues will take sides and your boss will be bothered by the fact that you’re plotting your former partner’s death instead of working on the reports for next month. Just a little drama there…but, depending on the circumstances, failing to move past it quickly and elegantly can cost you a raise, a promotion, or even your job.
Solutions
A few hints
Given all the above, it may be a good idea to ask yourself a few questions before taking the plunge into a relationship with a fellow worker — however hard it is to be rational under the circumstances.
1. How solid is your relationship — are you just looking for fun or a long term thing?
2. What are your positions in the company? Are they compatible?
3. Are you in any danger of being accused of favoritism if you start to see each other outside work?
4. How highly do you value this person as an employee/ colleague/ friend? Will a relationship compromise that situation?
5. What if you see one another and then break up? Will that seriously affect the business relationship?
6. What do you expect the company will think about a romance between you?
Answer honestly, take a bit of time to reflect upon and you will know what to do!
Epilogue
Finding your soulmate isn’t exactly easy, but it can happen in an instant and where you least expect it. As many red flags as the office romance waves, it actually makes a lot of sense and it has become a statistically proven fact that those who meet after locking eyes over the water cooler are more bound to have a long lasting relationship than those begun in a nightclub or in a pub. So despite discouragement from companies and colleagues, it seems that office hook-ups are more likely to end in a marriage than relationships that start in any other way. On the other hand, there’s always the chance that it could go wrong, making for some particularly awkward encounters in the cafeteria. The truth is you can never know unless you try it.
At TRISOFT, we think that as long as your employees are professional and take their jobs seriously, there isn’t a reason for a company to frown upon romantic relationships between them. On the contrary, we have learned that people who are in love aren’t just happier and more cheerful, but also more creative and open to learning new things. Also, honest communication is a must, so being open with each other has always worked for us and it’s probably one of the reasons why we have come to trust each other professionally and personally!
