Why White Gay Men Have Ruined LGBTQ+ Pride Month For Me
It’s that time of year again, and though the world is in a category 5 crisis seemingly beyond repair, we still must acknowledge that June 2020 is still pride month. Yes, the one month out of the year when every corporation that sells merchandise ranging from t-shirts to motor vehicles slaps a rainbow flag on their products and claims to be an ally. This is a month that is meant to be devoted to unity and celebration, but with the world divided now more than ever it seems like that message is being lost.
When I was young gay boy, the idea of an entire month devoted to uplifting people like myself used to bring me so much joy and hope, however now that I am older and understand the concepts of capitalism and privilege, my views on pride have altered quite a bit. When I look at the common denominators as to why the idea of pride has become more of an annoyance provoking concept rather than a spark of joy, it all boils down to one thing — The actions of white people; gay, straight, or any other identity. White people have an expansive history of appropriating cultures, ideas, and movements, and queer pride is no exception. Let’s discuss a few of the ways, shall we.
White Gay Privilege is very real
Let’s start with the sassy, bravo-obsessed, venti iced coffee drinking white gay men that are ruining pride from the inside out. Gay white men have been some of the most, dare I say, problematic members of society due to the fact most of them have this complex that makes them believe they are just as disenfranchised in society as black people and other people of color, and even women as well. Whilst being a gay person does qualify you as a minority facing various levels of oppression, they happen to forget the totem pole of privilege that exists in 21st century society.
First off, you’re white, which is the gold medal of privileges, and then right after that you’ve snatched the bronze medal of privileges by being a cis-gendered man as well. Even I as a black gay man, still acknowledge that I have privilege over women and transgendered individuals. And yes, there are still plenty of homophobic people in this world still yelling to end marriage equality, however what I would like for these men to do is sit back, acknowledge their vast levels of privilege, and please not to try play this game of ‘Who has is it harder’; because sweetie, you will always lose.
This level of delusion was made especially clear last year during NYC’s annual pride celebration at the famous Stonewall bar, which just so happened to be the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall uprising. It was reported that at a drag show at Stonewall, a young black trans women attempted to honor her trans sisters who were killed that year across the country, however a white gay man repeatedly interrupted her by yelling “Shut up, shut up.” The rest of the crowd, which if you haven’t guessed by now was predominantly white, joined behind this man and also screamed shut up towards her, and even threatened to call the cops on her. Luckily, the cops were not needed but bar security did force her out of the bar, unjustly might I add.
The entire incident was recorded and posted on Facebook, and within a day the video had reached major news outlets and sent twitter on a tirade. This unfortunate incident goes to show how entitled our generation as a whole has become, because while white men are using their privilege to evict a trans woman out of a bar, they forget that it was trans women of color just like this girl who fought for them to have the rights they have today. Marsha P. Johnson, Sylvia Rivera, and a slew of other gay men of color were on the frontlines throwing bricks and fighting for queer rights. The fact that this incident happened where queer rights were vigorously fought for by trans women is incredibly ironic in all the worst possible ways.
Are labels really necessary?
Among the many negative things white people are notorious for, and one of the things white culture is most notable for, is the idea of segregation. We all know their history with slavery, Jim Crow, and many other heinous acts against black people, but many don’t speak enough about how white gay man have created a level of segregation within the gay community. When we look at the nicknames of otter, bear, cub, and etc, they are immediately synonymous with gay men, and many have adopted these labels with pride. However, these labels are incredibly white-washed, and these labels are normally given specifically to white men and have been that way since it was created in the 1970’s San Francisco gay scene, which was predominantly composed of fit, white men.
As someone who never loved the idea of being put into yet another label, I was never one to try and fit myself into those antiquated categories, but when I was once told by a caucasian person that “those kind of labels don’t really work for me”, I immediately knew it wasn’t because of my rebellious personality; it was the color of my skin. What this individual was trying to micro-aggressively say to me was that as a black person, the labels of being a bear, otter, cub and many more don’t really work on someone like me since they’re reserved for the white men who created them. Instead, gay culture has tried to fit me and other black people into the categories of being a thug, a DL man (down-low aka secretly gay), or a fem aka feminine man. This kind of internal segregation within a community that is meant to be built on unity and inclusion, has left a sour taste in my mouth when it comes to pride celebrations. How am I supposed to be comfortable being my true and authentic self, when there’s so much pressure within your own community to be what they expect/want you to conform to?
Queer Pride is not a Product
The mass commercialization of LGBTQ+ pride month has also become something that has taken over and has allowed it be bleed into mainstream heterosexual culture, which has brought quite a few positive aspects, and quite a few negative aspects as well. Yes, it’s great that pride has become a respected time of celebration across the world, but this has opened a Pandora’s box of companies that show their pseudo-support by slapping a rainbow flag onto a small segment of their products to show their ally-ship. The only problem is that many of the companies that claim to support the queer community actually do the opposite, and just use pride as a way to pull in more customers to increase their profit margin.
Corporations such as Comcast, AT&T, and UPS that claim to stand for the queer community actually have donated hundreds of thousands of dollars to anti-gay politicians, but many people straight or otherwise, are unaware of this information and go blindly forward sporting pride paraphernalia to show their support, which is quite a small gesture if we’re being honest. And to be frank, if I have to see one more poorly made tote bag with a rainbow flag lazily placed on it hanging off the shoulder of a middle aged white woman, I think I might have a public outburst more outrageous than a pride parade float.
We are all in this together
Pride is much more than a chance to get drunk in the streets with your friends on a weekend. Pride is much more than going to a drag show at 10 o’clock at night. Pride is much more than a t-shirt with the words “Love wins” on it. Pride is a chance to remember and celebrate the amazing lives we are able to live due to the people who fought fiercely for the rights we have, and for the people that are still fighting to this day.
This is not to say that I believe all white people are terrible and they are the sole reason that pride has turned for the worst in my mind, however they must acknowledge their mishaps and never forget that it was black and brown people who got them to where they are today, which is a common thread if you look closely at history. So for me, this year especially, I dedicate my pride to not only the Black Lives Matter movement, but also to loving and being proud of my myself and the other amazing black queer people around me. Perhaps we should all do the same.
