Dealing with depression | Personal experience
I’ve always known that there was something is missing from me being happy. Never felt wholesome-always worrying something that is already behind or something that is not gonna happen.
These are also consequences of my toxic childhood as well as adolescent years. Only now I’ve realized that I’m a person who glows brighter when I’m being encouraged and supported with kind words. I love to hear inspiring words, almost every day ❤.
But when I was younger I hardly ever heard cheerful words but mostly criticizes: ‘You’re not pretty.’ ‘You have a big nose.’ ‘You better shut up because you suck at singing.’ ‘You’re not that girl, you know?’. ‘You’re not good enough’. ‘Only if you were pretty.’ ‘You are fucking quiet’.
As a result, I grew up reserved, careful for my words and actions not to be judged by people who I love/care. I had tried so hard to prove myself that I’m doing good to them. But in the end, it didn’t matter at all. No matter what I do, what I achieve, what I say, they will never care or it will never be enough for them. And they never cared. So my wish to satisfy them while I was unhappy is finally gone. Fortunately, I realized that is really TOXIC. Knew that was the one which was holding me back from being happy/free/doing what I want.
According to World Health Organization, “ One in six people aged 10–19 years is suffering from depression”. Well, I feel that. And if those young people don’t start working on their mental health immediately, it will cause more serious problems later. And I’m that person. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Actually I was a little aware of it, but didn’t want to admit it until now.
I can’t say that I’m totally depression-free now. But figuring out how to deal with it. So, the interpretation I had for these past years is that whenever you start to feel it, just go outside, meet people, exercise, listen to music and write! Write whatever you want. Express what you feel in a blank paper.
So, you might think, what is really depression? How do I know if I feel it? Well let me allow explain this for my own words. Excuse my English.
Depression is a state of feeling lost, doubtful for future, not knowing what to do or what you are doing right now. On the other hands, everything seems ambiguous that you will start questioning the meaning of life. Everything makes no sense. You will be tired always, not wanting to go out, eating excessively, sleeping a lot or sleeping inadequate. The most serious thing is you start thinking of SUICIDE!!
Well, let me also tell you that I’m no expert. There are many mental illnesses besides depression. So you can learn more about them. Correct me or if you have your own explanation.
In 2017 and late of 2018, there were times when I even thought of death. Had been having some tough times. But once you get rid of people or situation that make you feel depressed, you become normal. So give yourself a chance to walk away from anything that makes you drain mentally.
Back to my experience.
I was that girl who wants to be liked by people and please everyone. That was my problem. Since this is not gonna how I live forever, I decided I’d be in control. I cut off many people including my loved ones. I still love them, but just because you’re connected through blood it doesn’t mean you have to let them walk on you and teach you how to live, right? If this doesn’t seem right, be brave to remove them from your life.
Now I’m still in my early 20s and trying to figure out who I am. The journey is being successful so far. I’ve learned what makes me happy, what doesn’t, what makes me comfortable and uncomfortable, what kind of people I stand and don’t. So, now I found some of things, I only make time for things make me happy.
No bullshits. No problems. Happy me.
My advice, I guess, to people experiencing depression is “Don’t lose your hope”. Keep yourself busy. Try many things. Be brave to say no anything, literally anything that makes you “not you”. Your number one priority should be your happiness. What’s the point if you are not happy, right? Learn more about yourself. Keep digging. Don’t forget that forever travel with your inner self. Once you start learning more about yourself, you’ll become aware why you feeling sad or any types of emotions. There’s nothing wrong with feeling depressed. Feel it. Let it be. But don’t just have it for a long time.
Don’t even apologize for feeling emotional. Some uneducated ones might say, “Don’t be emo” or blah blah. Screw them. Feel whatever it feels. And you have a power to change your mood.
For now, I feel genuinely happy. I’m doing what I want. I am going on my timeline. Trying to be better than I was yesterday. Not giving shits about what others think. Not letting others’ opinion in decisions I make or anything. Just try to feel happy in every moment and be present. Happiness is not a final destination! It is a way of life. The more you feel happier, the more healthier you become mentally.
Okay. I’ll be posting more articles on mental health now on. And some new work is on its way!
Thank you for reading. Best of luck for your journey with battling depression. It’s okay to have it. When I was experiencing deeply this, I cried like almost every night, but at the end, it makes you stronger and wiser. So don’t give up. Please don’t think of some unconsiderate ideas. Remember that there are many people who love you dearly.
If you liked the article, please give your claps up to 50! Remember that this is written based on only my opinions and experiences. Feel free to share your comments.
xo,
Oko
