You are a masterpiece in the making — “The Book of Joy” root caused my impatience
Ever since I was a child, I have never bothered to discern the difference between happy and joy. It had not dawned to me until past year that the happy emotion comes with a sudden sporadic pattern while joy is linked with peace and everlasting.
Through out the second half of 2017, I started to get anxiety attack that coupled with palpitation and numbness in the fingers. After going through physical check up, I was referred to visit a counselor for anxiety management. Through our interaction, she noticed I am constantly restless. After a few sessions, she recommended me to pick up the “The Book of Joy” for bedtime reading.
While I am many things, patience is definitely miles apart from my family and friends’ image of me. Ever since I had memory, my parents have always reminded me to be more patient due to my short temper. More often than not their suggestion only fused my impatience and frustration. Somewhere at the back of my mind, I always thought impatience was innate in me and I was born lacking the “gene” of patience.
To further bloat up my ignorance, I often thought my impatience is due to I already knew what the other person was going to say. I thought my impatience was the result of always being two steps ahead of others. Where in reality unrealistic prideful self-image intermixed with self-centered world view created an impatient elitist who thought he was always the smartest person in the room.
I must confess when I went over the first 50 pages of the book, it felt like such a cliche and I was getting weary of the book. Through my mind, thoughts such as following were flashing through:
- I already know caring how others judge and value me makes me insecure
- I knew throughout my life I have been driven by fear, the fear of failure to myself and to others
- I want to be wealthy, successful and respected because those external factors represented me
Until I came across a passage similar to the following (apologies as I do not have the book with me right now due to moving):
In our daily language, we use I, I , I, I… way too much. If we use less I, my and mine, more we, our and us then our suffering would ease because we see how much common we share across all humanity.
I was struck with awe upon reading this passage because ironically even when my mind was flashing with indignity reading the book, every single thought started with “I”.
Just like all those thoughts, impatience was a symptom, not the root cause.
It dawned to me my impatience was due to self-centered world view and lack of empathy/compassion. It was through reading this book that made me realize my impatience was subconsciously delivering the following message to others around me:
“I” know better than you and “I” do not care about you enough to dedicate a few more minutes to hear you out because there is no value to “me”.
The book did an amazing job when it said lack of compassion and empathy leads to loneliness because we see the difference between ourselves and others. Loneliness leads to labeling others as “different” and even become “enemies”.
The craziest part was my lack of compassion was not only to others but to myself as well. Somehow, I managed to alienate myself from me, even worse did not even spend time with “me”.
It became clear to me my restlessness came from the vicious cycle of:
Insecurity in self -> Self-protection mechanism -> Excessive self involvement -> Prideful and impatient external image as a false display of power -> Labeling others as competitors or enemies -> Loneliness -> Even more insecurity in self
Finally, for the first time in my life I root caused my impatience that led to restlessness.
The book summarized perfectly when it said:
Joy is the bi-product of seeking joy for others. It is illusive to those who want joy solely for themselves.
Being a human, I cannot help but feel selfish and lack of compassion at times but even the great minds such as Dalai Lama and Bishop Tutu from the book struggles with it too. It is comforting to know seven billion people around the world all share the same struggle.
After reading the book, at first I had to proactively and to some extent artificially force myself to see an event from other people’s perspective. But with time, it became easier and more natural.
Joy is not easy because of how we are hardwired in current society. We are molded into the capitalism world view where everything is a competition and everyone around us are competitors for limited resources. We live in a secular world where it is impossible to be of the world but completely apart from it. Instead of throwing in the towel, this is why it takes tremendous amount of wisdom and character to show compassion and bring joy to others in such a challenging environment.
I am far from mastering the art of joy and still struggle in daily basis but have made noticeable progress in being more patient and willing to listen to others. My palpitation has subsided. Seeing the world through a lens bigger than just myself has also reduced anxiety level.
The book delivered the following message that was extremely comforting and perhaps the ultimate silver lining:
You are made for perfection, but you are not yet perfect. You are a masterpiece in the making — Archbishop Tutu
For each time I struggle, it is an opportunity to grow. It is surprisingly comforting to know that the journey to master the art of joy will only end concurrently with my life. And throughout the journey we will be able to shed light to make the world a better place.
The book has many other amazing points that is impossible to cover in a short format. I will definitely be re-reading this book multiple times. Highly recommend it to everyone. 5/5
