Fear of Failure in Creative Pursuits
Were you the overenthusiastic yet equally disheartened student in school? Always striving for more but simultaneously having someone to compare yourself to? If the answer to these questions is “Yes”, you already have a gist of a large part of my life.
Barring the exhaustion of school days, the same pattern haunts me in college and I’m assuming it will remain latched onto me as I search for jobs. It has been a complex and time-consuming task to face this dread of disappointing myself — and every individual who remotely relies on me. The Asian kids know exactly how terrifying this dread is.
It’s hellish to think back on how this weight fastened itself to my shoulders. Despite their several justified expectations, to my amazement, my parents have been rightfully accepting of my educational choices. This amazement was elevated while switching from pursuing a medical degree to a self-made decision to study English. Claiming it stems from perfectionism feels arrogant and insincere. Provided that the same fear of failure could never allow me to believe anything I will ever do would be close to appreciable, forget perfect.
Nonetheless, the insufferable habit of comparison is a pattern I’ve been learning to break for a while now. (I might also write a blog about that in the future.) As I disintegrate this cycle, the accessibility of understanding how to profit from this fear for the sake of my artistic pursuits.
Being open to change: a piece of advice that is highly valuable but equally difficult to follow. Stepping out of one’s comfort zone all the while being vulnerable to the future requires ample resilience. Understand what makes you uncomfortable in the first place and what causes this. Is it peer pressure? A nagging employer? Or something more personal, self-inflicted? Once you reconcile with the idea of this monster, you can directly deal with it. Sure, some cases wouldn’t allow you to deal with it as directly as the others. It is unlikely to demand an employer to be polite in their criticism because “you’re just a girl.” Such scenarios would require you to be far more flexible towards your mindset. Easier said than done.
No amount of resilience disregards the inevitability of future failure. However, it is up to you to decide your reaction towards it. Remind yourself that certain setbacks are as temporary as your apprehension over them had once been, and you have a long way to go. It is ideal to appreciate your hard work and trust the process.
This too shall pass: it seems difficult and impossible to deal with, but there will be a day when you’ll look back and realize you are in a better place now. A tough past becomes a measure of a satisfying future.
