Fool-Proof Tips To Ace That Job Interview

Providing that you don’t want to get the job.

Job interviews can be stressful. Whether you’re interviewing for your first-ever job or you’re looking for a change in career, it’s natural to get at least a small dose of the butterflies.

Speaking as someone who’s spent more time on the other side of the job interview table and seen more than his fair share of terrible interviewees, I’ve got you covered. Using examples from interviews I’ve conducted during my career, here are five ways to guarantee that you don’t get the job.

1) Make A Late First Impression

They say that first impressions mean everything. So why not give your interviewer a first impression they’ll never forget? Leave it until they think that you’re not going to turn up before making your grand entrance. After all, everyone always says it’s fashionable to be late. Oh, and for extra credit, don’t apologise for your lateness. It isn’t your fault the traffic was bad.

2) Preparation Is For Nerds

Dad always told me to be well-prepared for any question thrown at me in a job interview. I say to hell with that. Improvisation is a vital skill, that you should demonstrate fully. What does it matter if you don’t know anything about the company you’re applying for? Use complicated words that you don’t understand when answering questions. Even better, don’t research the job you’ve applied for. Priorities are important, and you have yours — the only things you need to know is if the hourly rate is better than your current job, and what discount you get. Nobody likes a know-it-all.

3) Play To Your Strengths

You’ve applied for a customer-facing role in a restaurant, but you have roughly the same level of charisma as an umbrella? You’re hired. And you’re aware that the main aspect of the role is food and drink preparation? Please, ignore what I asked you, carry on telling me how good you are at cleaning hotel rooms, it’s just what I want to hear. Do you have great attention to detail? Perfect. I see on your application you spelled the job title ‘Barrister’ instead of ‘Barista.’ Jackpot. Free legal advice with every medium-sized drink, our customers will love it.

4) Treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen.

This is an absolute must. Act like you’re better than the job you’re applying for. Look at me with disdain as I ask you to tell me about your previous experience. If you really want to get hired, be sure to make me feel like you’re too good, that the job is beneath you. I’ll be begging for you to work for me.

5) Hectic Social Life?

No sweat. Be sure to tell me how important your weekends are. Go into detail, I really want to know more. For bonus points, make sure to mention how you may be willing to be flexible and work on Saturdays, but only until 1 pm, and not before 9 am. You need your sleep after all. How inconsiderate of me to ask you to work on the busiest day of the week, I would hate to be the reason you have to rearrange your weekly coffee date with your friends.

There you have it, real-life examples on how to make sure you don’t get the job of your dreams. Or any job for that matter.

Jon Peters is a 28-year-old writer from the UK, who happens to love pineapple on pizza. If you made it this far, then thanks for taking the time to read. I really hope you enjoyed this article. If you’d like to read more of my work, you can reach my profile super-quickly by clicking here.

Trying to make the world a better place, one word at a time.

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