A Brief Recap of Trump’s State of the Union Address Last Night

For those who missed it and are short on time, here’s a summary of Trump’s #SOTU speech:

• I am still very great!
• I know the word “bipartisan” and how to pronounce it! It means, “don’t investigate me.” It’s true, I looked it up!
• The economy is about money and I like money and you should too! Also you’re welcome!
• Women exist! I can see some in this room dressed for a lesbian wedding or something. There’s even one behind me, and you know what they say, behind every great man there is a woman which confirms I am great! You’re welcome, women!
• Wally McWallface is the walliest wall I know and he is my friend and unlike Mexicans he has never raped anyone. I love him and you should too!
• AIDS or something! Going away. Beautiful.
• Socialists rape more people than even Mexicans! I may call Wally McWallface for help on this one too.
• Americans saved Jews and Jews are great and there’s one right there! An old one! Look at that old Jewish guy, you can’t kill him. He’s like a cockroach or something. A beautiful old Jewish cockroach. Let’s sing happy birthday to him. You’re welcome, old Jewroach!
• In closing, America is great, i am AMERICAN, therefore I am great, and because I am great so is America. You should choose greatness, ie me. Also my friend Wally McWallface.
• These are true facts but I am tired from reading the telepampers because this is more than I’ve read in 40 years and that is un-American. Reading, like Mexicans and Democrats, is un-American.
• God bless America, which is great, like me. God bless me!