I Have Discovered the Source of All Chaos in the World
I have discovered the source of all chaos in the world. All wars, all conflict, all strife. It is little boy energy at bedtime. Little boy energy at bedtime birthed the Black Death, Hitler, global warming, and Bitcoin. It caused Soviet bread lines and the great fire of Chicago.
It cracked the Liberty Bell and organized the halftime show of Super Bowl LIII.
It caused the Dutch tulip mania of 1637, the flu epidemic of 1918 and the Macarena dance of 1995.
It invented the artichoke digestif Cynar.
It’s directly responsible for 7323 extinctions including the passenger pigeon and Josh Hartnett’s career.
There is, in fact, only one thing worse than little boy energy at bedtime and that is little boy energy at bedtime times two or more. Little boy energy at bedtime times two or more is exponentially more insidious than little boy energy at bedtime.
Little boy energy at bedtime times two or more caused Krakatoa and the English Luddite Riots, engine failure on the Soyuz 33 space mission and the ILOVEYOU computer virus.
It was a strike breaker in Milwaukee in the 1880s and wrote City Slickers II: the Legend of Curly’s Gold.
If you see little boy energy at bedtime, either alone or times two or more, do not approach it or engage it in any way. Call poison control and find out which common household chemicals will kill you while causing the least pain.
(Btw, little girl energy at bedtime is mostly ok. It may have caused the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald and sansabelt trousers but more research is needed.)
