Day 51 — acknowledge, don’t dwell

Head Down — Lost Frequencies, Bastille

Acknowledge the defeat, acknowledge that it didn’t end where I thought it would. Acknowledge how I wish for a different background picture. Acknowledge that the direction was set incorrectly from the start because I couldn’t have known that to follow the first incorrect path was the way to the second. Acknowledge that void and mirrors can fill your life and shake it like a bittersweet cocktail.

And this is why I needed to recharge more often than I thought.

Life can knock you to the ground

But I needed to recharge without feeling in a rush. Taking all the time I could.

It becomes time where I can listen and accept more closely what I really want to do. And doing it. That is a serum pumping fast the good stuff inside.

Hell I know. It wouldn’t be the first time that I have pumped that energy.

But goodness, how fast do we forget…

And I feel how it makes the chaos within myself fade away even more and more.

I got these growing pains and problems, I got left so much learn

As I wander and I stumble through this life

I won’t be back to things I can’t control

Life can be very bitchy but it’s not as bitchy depending on how we navigate it. We all have something good going on. Something that doesn’t depend on others. We can seek and find.

But it’s also unpleasant. And the cumulus of them can pile up sometimes. We even have our own personal cave where to cry in the shower, where to look at life and drop tears of happiness. It’s a less visited room in our mind depending on our agenda or our state of mind... But we know it’s there and sometimes, we will dwell in it for a full day or a decent amount of time. But it’s okay. It can become addictive, because of the relief that can bring us sometimes to let our emotions run crazy. But we must always exit it.

I’ve learned that the amplitude of sadness also amplifies the intensity of happiness. And I focused on surfing that rollercoaster for a while. Discovering my own cave. So long though that I almost forgot the things that made me beat and forget about the cave.

And you said,

“Hearts break, life can knock you to the ground. Don’t hang your head down…

You’re still young, but know the best is yet to come. Don’t hang your head down…”

So true the ‘don’t give up’ thing. Whether we’re conscious or not. I wanted to give up many many times. I thought that, a pessimist version (thinking it was more realistic) was the new me.

I got to step back, reel in the strings, look back one last time and keep going. As corny as it may sound. As foolish the convincing may sound. When you know, you know.

Maybe I won’t become the most optimistic of the lot but I won’t be the most pessimistic either.

Maybe I won’t be the most cheerful one around but I will still enjoy things like a kid.

Maybe I won’t be as generous as I used to but I will give non-stop to the ones I chose.

Maybe I won’t dream big but I will create days to daydream awake.

Gotta believe it to achieve it.