Day 53 — can’t fool you
Exile — Bastille’s cover
Fool me again. I’m waiting. And I’m not even talking to anyone but to Life. Try to fool me with the hope of the start of a story. Try to fool me with the hope of love. Try to spark an interest. Try to give me reasons why it’s worth it. Try to fool me with the flashing lights of hearts starting to light up. Try to fool me with your best weapon… connection, understanding, seeing. Try and fool me into thinking that the love story that we all want can be real, can be lasting… can be genuine.
Go ahead. Try and fool me, sometimes I want to believe in it. Sometimes I will follow its lead. Sometimes for the blink of a night.
I think I’ve seen this film before
And I didn’t like the ending…
I think I’ve seen this film before
So I’m leavin’ out the side door
Why not though. Try and let it disappoint me. I’ll ride the ride. Why not watch it carry itself out. We’re way too petty to follow your lead… So why not look at your efforts and instead of getting excited like a fool, look at them with another perspective. The perspective that it won’t become anything solid beyond the present day… or maybe decade. The perspective of low expectations. The perspective of seeing it as a highlight chapter rather than a summary.
The experience of disappointment will decrease.
So yes, try and fool me Life. You can hardly disappoint me any more.
I can see you starin’, honey…
Like you’d get your knuckles bloody for me
What was your goal? I’ve started to stop feeling anything. I’ve seen it for what it was, mere projections of our screen time when we were kids. I’ve started seriously stop to loose the hope and the optimism that preceded me.
Saying farewell to that hope is maybe the most painful thing I’ve felt lately. But I don’t think it was a choice. But almost a need. Cancelling part of myself, without any empathy or regard. A logical conclusion.
You’re not my homeland anymore…
You were my town
Now I’m in exile, seein’ you out
I’ve read that the human being is pessimistic by default. I’ve been digging that train of thought. I’m so done with finding anything exciting and at the same time I think that I judge harshly this outcome. Like I’m struggling to accept it myself still. Like I’m not free enough to start thinking differently than almost absolutely everyone around me. Like I would wish for a different outcome but I feel trapped and like I don’t want to come out of this rabbit hole.
Starting to feel like a renegade…
And it took you five whole minutes
To pack us up and leave me with it
Holdin’ all this love out here in the hall
Still, if I can’t find any other explanation of how things always play out, then I can’t do anything else than walk towards this pessimistic, dark and apathetic perspective.
Will someone stop me? Will someone try to convince me of the opposite? Will someone show me? I doubt it, fairly so, I’m the only exit. How long can I take thinking about it? How long will it take to find another piece of the puzzle to walk in a different direction? Do I even want to walk at all?
It’s a paralysing thought to stop believing in any romantic love. It’s scary but liberating. It’s sad but it’s relieving.
So step right out, there is no amount
Of crying I can do for you…
You didn’t even hear me out
You never gave a warning sign…
All this time
I couldn’t turn things around
‘Cause you never gave a warning sign
So many signs, so many signs…
