Day 59— life chases me with an innocent smile

Together again — Janet Jackson

There are times when I feel your love around me baby

My heart is full.

Regardless of the heartbreaks.

I want to capture the small details.

I’ve embraced who I am.

I turn to one side and to the other and I see people who smile at me. Who love me. Who most importantly… people who I love.

And I’ve learned how to love them a bit better.

When I noticed that they were always there but I hadn’t noticed properly… I had no idea I wanted to connect at what level.

There are times when I look above and beyond

There are times when I feel your love around me, baby

It’s amazing how easy is to enjoy life when we stop expecting bigger and more perfect moments… the waiting times in together time. The comfort of not expecting anyone else to fix you, of not trying to fix anyone else, of being willing to understand. Willing to enjoy each moment as it comes. Stop making problems where there are no problems.

Everywhere I go,

Every smile I see,

I know you are there smiling back at me

I don’t have the life that is standard. My family is extensive by members who don’t share beliefs, by little ones who don’t see me as a mom, by persons who can only imagine how important they are in my life. In true honesty I never planned to have such a life, I never imagined how my life would look like on a later stage. I only thought about it a few years in advance, and when that didn’t feel right.. even though sometimes the most standard societal member would have said it should have felt right… I left. Pack and leave. Weasel myself out of that situation. Sometimes with more conviction than others. Sometimes looking back constantly and for other times, I even forgot about it… so good riddance.

I never thought of what the path would look like though. Now I’m trying to make that the main event. The trips which seem to be a quick weekend get away or the opportunities which don’t seem convenient or too taxing on my savings.

I’ve become better at knowing myself, at knowing what I’m proud of in my life. I know what are the little pleasures that I enjoy the most… One is writing in the airport while I’m waiting. It’s where everything seems to come full circle. The airports are now the cross paths of my life.

And one biggest lesson of lately, I’ve learned how much peace brings me to let go when I should. To park it. To stop trying to understand something that’s not important. To stop trying a situation to be better than I have it. To accept how much my emotions betrayed me, and not to be mad at myself for that…

Curiously, the youngest of the smiles has been the one which brings me the most tears to my eyes, the one which has healed me when I thought I was already fine. An innocent reminder of who we’re all inside, and of whose memory I treasure.

Say it loud and proud

All my love’s for you..

There are times when I feel you smile upon me, baby

I’ll never forget my baby