On cutting out the people that don’t make you better
It happened. It was great. It was lovely for awhile. But it’s the past. It’s over and gone. I’ve moved on.
It just feels so pretty okay now to not have to feel stressed, drained, used, or like I’m walking on eggshells when we’re hanging out. It feels great to spend my time with people who make me feel comfortable, happy, valued and accepted.
I used to be much more tolerant of negative and draining people in my life. Maybe it’s because I didn’t take my own feelings into account or listen to my gut instincts. Maybe I was just naive or blind to what red flags actually looked like. Of course, I had to learn this all the hard way.
It took me awhile to understand that there are people out there who are self-imposed victims, always looking for sympathy and always ready with a new sob story; it’s always someone else’s fault. There are people out there who actually seem to believe that life plays out like a movie — a movie they’re staring in, naturally — and become infuriated and frustrated with the “supporting actors” (who obviously don’t have real or complex lives because they’re merely bit players who serve as plot devices for them) when things do not play out like they imagined. There are people out there that cannot actually form deep emotional bonds to other human beings, grasping desperately at nothing and projecting their own self-hated onto others. There are people out there that can get better through help, yet they refuse.
Friendships do come and go. People do grow and change. That’s natural. I had a few breakups and falling outs and interpersonal conflicts that were real doozies. And I felt terrible and guilty and blamed myself for a long time. Some of it was warranted, but most of it wasn’t. I know that I made my share of mistakes.
It’s extremely painful when you try to hold onto a relationship that you once valued, and it winds up being the very thing that’s dragging you down. Fights happen, but when they include outright derision, lying and contempt, that’s a dealbreaker. There’s a huge difference between disagreement and disrespect.
I read once that you’re the average of the five people you spend your time with. So I asked myself: Why spend time with people who make you feel like garbage? Maybe it’s time to take out the trash and focus your energy on people who make you better. They’re out there. Could it be this simple, that if they don’t act like friends, then they aren’t your friends?
Sometimes you just gotta say bye Felicia to the people that don’t make you or your life better.