When it’s really hard to ask for help
Sometimes the small stuff is a big deal
I was really worried about my husband’s upcoming surgery. David had found out only a week earlier that he would have to have hip surgery. He had been having chronic hip pain for awhile, and got a referral to an Orthopedic surgeon in Pacific Heights to get examined.
David had a series of tests and examinations, x-rays and MRIs, and a cortisone shot. They found a bone spur on the ball joint of his right hip, and he would have to get surgery, the sooner the better.
I had about a week to prepare mentally.
I was with David at the doctor’s office and when we were told that he would need surgery, andI didn’t feel anything at first. I focused on being a comfort and support for David. I asked a lot of questions and made notes of all the details. I wasn’t upset, I wasn’t actually feeling anything at first.
I was in my “taking care of business mode.”
As we were driving home, listening to music, and talking through all the details, my feelings started to emerge. I felt distressed. I was worried about how the procedure might go, how there were a few small risks, but that wasn’t what was bothering me exactly.
I was nervous, scared. But I trusted the doctor entirely. I knew that the operation would be OK, that David would be OK. But…maybe, if on the offhand chance something did go wrong? Who would help me? Was it OK to think about myself at a time like this?
Though David was anxious too, he was also reassuring. He reminded me that we do have friends here and people who care about us. He asked us to list them together. He suggested that I reach out to a couple friends before the surgery and ask them if they could be available for a phone call or text on or around the day of his surgery.
I’m often reluctant to ask for help — I’m afraid of feeling weak or being a bother or that the other person will say no. I also know that I need more practice in identifying my needs and asking for them. I knew that at this time I needed some extra support. He suggested that I cast my net wide, so to speak, in case someone wasn’t available or in the highly unlikely event that they said no.
I asked my two brothers if they could be on call in case something happened. I asked two friends and two neighbors if they would be available to get coffee or be around for a call or text if I was feeling overwhelmed.
They all said yes.
