Finding solace and gratefulness in loneliness

One evening I was looking through the windows at the empty street outside the house and I remembered first months in the city I moved in years ago.

Those first months were lonely. I had no friends, just new coworkers. I had a roommate, but he left every weekend. There were also many nights in a work week, when I was alone in a three bedroom apartment.

Smartphones were not existent at that time and mobile phones were prepaid and really just for short calls and texting. TV in the apartment was old and most of the time not even working. I couldn't afford a new TV then, so this media channel was as good as gone also.

I remember one evening, sitting by the window in the kitchen, listening to cars and all the rumble of the city and thinking to myself, I should go out there. I just light my cigarette and puffed the smoke out of the open window. I put out the cigarette, got dressed and went out. I was just walking towards the main square, without a goal, just following my footsteps to be. I went into a bar, ordered myself a drink, long island I think it was, and just stayed at the bar and listened to the music.

As I remember those moments, almost twenty years later, I feel a bit sad and lonely about them, but also grateful. Because those moments were first moments in my life that I was really free. I had no obligations, I had enough money to get by and have a good meal and a drink, I had a good job and in a short time after even found a few friends. Life was peachy in those days.

It’s really the gratefulness that measures the quality of past moments. How we look at them, how we remember them. We might be a bit sad for a second, because they passed, but all eventually goes away. Nothing is permanent. Good feelings and memories are the things that stay, that remind us that we had and have a good life, worth pursuing new moments of joy and making new memories.

It’s a new day, and it’s 62nd of my 100 Days of Writing Challenge.