Expiration living

We check expiration date on goods at the store (sometimes)

We can assume it expired by ourselves: smells bad, shimmering ->trash

But if we set up an expiration date on our life?

Or even worse, if someone does it for us…

What do we do then?

How do we deal?

Does it eventually make us feel more alive, more present, more appreciative, cause the moments we have are limited, the time we have is limited and we know the exact limitations?

As far as I know and how I am experiencing it now, it’s all kinds of messed up.

First I was angry.

Then I was all in searches. I was thinking what can I do and If I actually wanted to stay. And I did. I wanted to stay in Switzerland (long story short: my boss cut the contract 3 months earlier and let me know just a month before, so I have to leave the country end of this month)

I was so conflicted. Mostly because I haven’t seen all the places I wanted to see and I haven’t done so many things I was devastated and pissed, complaining about all of it to my mom.

And one other variable is the man I met.

I can’t say I’m head over heels in love with him, but we are good together and I wanted to explore more of it. I felt smth. I was crying when we visited Chinese garden in Zurich and I couldn’t tell him I was leaving the country.

Bottom line: I didn’t know why I was crying.

Maybe because of all the “could have been”s

maybe cause this thing with him started and I was reluctant to let it go

But now, a week after I told him, I feel fine.

I realise that this is gonna be good for me, better than staying could ever be.

I WANNA go home. Of course, the circumstances aren’t the best, but I’m being positive and believe it’s all for the best.

And even if I won’t see my “bf” ever again, I’m gonna be fine.

I really like him, but it’s a long shot talking about love or deeper feelings in regard to him.

I cherish our moments and I feel so good being around him: I’m distracted and in peace when he’s around.

But other than that, I think we could be good friends in the future.

Friends who know what the other likes between the sheets and friends who talk about waitress’s butt in a cafe in Baden-Württemberg.

In any case, I feel better about leaving now.

And my “expiration living” in Switzerland would be as memorable as anywhere else.