11. My Ungrasped Truth
3 lessons I’ve learned from the one relationship I didn’t understand
You were wearing a white T-Shirt. When we first met — you were wearing a white T-shirt and jeans. I remember wondering “How can you wear white? Don’t you know how quickly it gets dirty? Especially in the summer…”
You weren’t afraid to stare deep.
You looked into my eyes. You weren’t afraid to stare deep. I liked that. I took it as an invitation, so I looked into your eyes too. I remember wandering in their gleaming before I got myself together to come greet you. I had never seen such a firm shade of blue. I’ll always remember your eyes.
Honestly, we were never particularly good at talking. But we set a new standard for gazing. Being around you, closely inspecting, was one of the easiest things I’ve ever done.
You were funny. And kind. And a bit “thug-ish”. I always thought your kindness didn’t really go with your street-a-like attitude. But you always insisted on keeping that. And I let you.
You seemed brave enough to hug me back
I hugged you, remember? You seemed brave enough to hug me back. And that’s when I felt it. Your energy, my energy, who the hell knows? It was this powerful warmth in my abdomen. One might have confused it with shallow butterflies in the stomach, but it wasn’t that. It was like a portion of me identified with a portion of you.
I knew right there and then that you’ll always mean something to me. I’ll always be drawn to you. Not romantically. Not necessarily.
I was a child too, back then. I can’t even wrap my head around the almost 6 years that passed. I remember my ego scolding me “You can’t possibly be in love. That’s not you! You don’t love”. I had a list long full of reasons. I listened. And agreed. I didn’t fall for you back then. I wanted to. But there was no time.
You didn’t fall either…
You didn’t fall either. You wouldn’t have left so easily if you had.
“We’re ok like this”, you said. I differed. Sometimes, I feel like I’m making this up. I love it when you urge me to be present. To not dramatized. I have a tendency towards the artistic exageration of being.
Just as I have another tendency to blend past and present together.
I found you in my pocket the other day. The cookie they brought with your tea when we met last month. It reminded me of you. And strangely, it didn’t feel like it was mine to eat.
Takeaways
They say that before we’re born we make these pacts with other souls. We plan to meet on Earth to exchange truths. A.K.A. life lessons. And we recognize each other by these powerful, inexplicable and instant connections.
These encounters are not supposed to be easy or smooth. On the contrary — they’re supposed to mirror us and bring awareness. And that’s almost never easy. Or smooth.
Takeaway #1: Inexplicable relationships (usually) mirror our inner truths.
It had changed. For you, I mean. Our connection had altered. Deep down I was expecting to somehow pick up where we left off 5 years ago. Oh, will I ever learn to stop setting expectations?
But we didn’t. Only natural, there’s distance between us. That’s good. Sometimes, distance is good.
Takeaway #2: If it’s meant to be, you’ll always be able to pick up where you left off. No pressure.
I always believed we’ve met on purpose. That planets had aligned perfectly. Or forces in the Universe conspired. Or Someone put us together in the same context. Or maybe we attracted each other, somehow. I don’t know. But I always had this sense of purpose about us.
And I obsesively wondered why, trying to figure it out. Until tonight when I realized that maybe I don’t need to understand us. Maybe we were meant to trigger next happenings. To be there one for another. To take eachother back to the beginning. Or to change something within our cores. Or to tell someone else about it.
Who knows?!
And who cares?
We have a purpose. And as long as we’re alive, we’re living that purpose.
Takeaway #3: The purpose is not important. The purpose just is.
That’s what I take from us.
I hope you’ll always be the… Good You. The Real You… :)
You’ll always mean something to me. You’ll be my ungrasped truth...
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Read other Naked Words I’ve written lately:
#Prodigality | #LettingGo | #Story | #Voice | #Relate | #Adventure | #Truth | #GreaterFool | #IAm |
