15. I see fire inside the mountain
I first asked myself who I was at the age of 10. We were studying journaling as a form of self expression. Our Romanian teacher suggested we kept a serious diary ourselves, over spring break. He questioned our identities. What did we know back then? We were only kids.
Deliana, I answered with a childish naivite.
I didn’t ask for your name. I asked who you were.I’m a student.
I didn’t ask for your purpose here. I asked who you were.A straight A student?! :)
To my surprise, I didn’t find out who I was that spring. Nor the following spring. Or the following 19 springs…
I’m 29. I turned 29 yesterday and I still don’t know who I am.
I know I’m covered in fears, habits and early mindsets that I fight to shake every day. And I also know that beneath all that there’s a better me. A stronger me. One that’s kinder and more loving. Deep down, there’s the me who transcends the whys. The me who just is. No coveres. No judgments. No lies. Pure truth.
As the song says, there’s fire inside the mountain. There’s passion within the strength. At our core, we are love. I see the passion driving the strength.
I used to see much more than that. I used to see love itself. I used to see the good in everything and everyone. Only the good. I used to close my eyes in front of not-good and turn away.
That was home for me. Now, this summer, I learned that my home is where I feel safe. Home is where I feel unjudged, unmeasured and unabiding. My home is where I feel free to be myself. And where I know I’m loved fot that.
My home is where fire burns inside the mountain…
That’s where I’m heading.
Where’s your home?
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