16. “I can’t tell you that I’m not surprised…”

This is what I keep hearing from people who know Jordan. He just died of an overdose on July 11, 2016. I had lost contact with him since 2012 and I couldn’t help wonder, “Where on Earth is he?!” We backpacked together for 9 months, homeless, without any money at all. We were lovers. We were highly toxic. And very volatile too. But I loved him nonetheless. I felt like maybe I could help him, we could help each other find grounding and stability. That we could grow together… but life just doesn’t happen the way we want it to. My heart feels relief, to know that he is finally feeling lifted from his internal battle. For once I do not feel remorse or sadness for a death. I feel he will rest in peace. I like to think he is in heaven, his new residency — Or at least it’s romantic to believe that’s where he is now. I sure hope he’s in a better place than where he was while he spent his life on earth. 32 years… So young to die yet everyone I know keeps saying, “I can’t tell you that I’m not surprised…” I suppose it’s true. My heart still hurts.

What if you had the courage to do the work that gives meaning to your life?

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