29. #Grit
#Grit is when you keep going.

Yesterday, I only managed to squeeze 182 words. I was beat. I still am, but I’m aiming 183 tonight. Ready?
I learned from Angela Lee’s TED Talk that passion and perseverance is what you call #grit. Great talk, by the way. As a teacher, Angela underlines the main difference between her generally good students performing poorly and her generally poor students performing well in her class. Yes, it’s this #grit thing. So, watching it, I realized how there are all sorts of #grit in all slices.
Love #Grit
For at least two decades, I self looped, begging for my parents’ love. From them, from others, from projections. It wouldn’t matter. I just begged.
Out of three reasons:
- For some reason, I believed with all my being that my parents MUST, absolutely, under any circumstance, love me unconditionally.
- I assumed that since I didn’t feel loved, they simply didn’t.
- I somehow concluded that their loving or non-loving would say something about me and who I was.
Little did I know back then, all my assumptions were wrong. But the root one… that first “unmovable truth”, that parents must love their kids, that’s the one that got me.
So, I kept on looping the lie.
But that’s not #grit. Do you know why loops just look, but aren’t #grit?
#Grit is supposed to be passion & perseverance. These are both long term, whereas loops, by repeating, are short termed; and avoiding suffering. When you wanna know if you’re on the right track, simply remember it’s supposed to be linear, not round.
In this case, do you know what #grit is? It’s looking for love after you’ve been hurt. Still putting yourself out there, with an open, almost naive heart, through the rough understanding that there’s so much love in the world... So much, that you don’t need to get stuck on “this particular one”. Even if it’s your parents’.
Purpose #Grit
Yesterday… Sometimes, I cheat on my #100NakedWords posts. I’m sorry. And, yes, I know who I’m really cheating on. I write 100 words minimum in a post and then, if I’m that tired, I submit what I’ve got as it is and finish writing the next day, but post it before it’s actually published. Only, my only promise is that, whether the post’s done or not, I first submit over 100 words.
Yesterday was such a night. My sight was literally foggy. So, I automatically kept hitting the keys, hoping for a sense with each sentence, checking the # of words after each comma or full stop. Went to sleep, woke up a few hours later, and again. Write.
Today was cool. But, yesterday was… One of those days.
I’m that terribly emotional and sensible friend. The one who cries and revolts at movies or because life’s unfair; or even when she sees acts of random kindness. I’m that kind of girl. So, yesterday… Yesterday I felt like crashing, burning and crying. All at the same time.
I’m also quite whiny when I’m tired — ‘s my God given right; don’t even get me started on this one. Bedtime and rest are actually a big part of my definition of self love. So I deprive myself of sleep (or food, for that matter), I get cranky. Nicely put. Yes, I have a thing for satisfying basic needs.
So, to me, it’s crucially important I distinguished self pity from the actual need of sleep. To know when to push and when to pull back.
Usually, I know it’s #grit when I hear the whining in my head, but there’s something subtler beneath it, that sort of keeps me going. So, I focus on the subtlety and keep going.
I bet it’s the belief I’m supposed to do this. My WHY. The WHY.
Life #Grit
Goenka used to repeat this obsessively:
You’re bound to be successful. You’re bound to be successful.
When explaining the meditation technique and we’d complain we didn’t feel all the parts of our body. He’d tell us to keep on observing and that we’d be bound to be successful. I always thought that meant happy. As in without inner conflicts.
An unrelated note — do you snooze your alarm clock in the morning?
I just stop it. Cause who wants to wake up to this life, right?
First, who wants to wake up to sleep deprivation? Then, depends on he context. If I know I’m hungry, but don’t quite have what to it — who would want to wake up to starvation? Or overwhelming work? Or overwhelming anything, to be honest. Who wants to wake up to yelling or cold, or anything other than comfort and passion and a clear purpose?
No one. Or very few.
But that’s #grit. Waking up though you know snoozing is “better”. Or that it “makes more sense”.
That’s #grit. Waking up in spite of instant gratification and what your mind says. Listening to the subtler voice.
That’s how you get bound to be successful.
Have you noticed how “success” is but a combination of passion and perseverance? #Grit.
Thanks tons for reading this,
~ D.
— — —
Other #100NakedWords I’ve written so far:
#Again|#Thoughts|#Breeze|#All|#Happy|#Island|#Still|#Like|#Tired|#Anchor|#Stand|#About|#Meaning|#Relationships|#Boys|#Purpose|#Forgiveness|#Inspiration|#Allow|#Listen|#Break I|#Dream|#Break II|#Time|#People|#Places|#Loosing|#Calling
Past #100NakedWords attempts:
#Loop|#Rhythm|#If someone took writing away from me

