6. Abuse

The thing about relentless abuse is you don’t recognize it until a third person, usually someone very close to you, witnesses it themselves.

Recently I’ve been opening my eyes to the world — my world, and seeing it for how it really is.

I didn’t know I was living with an abusive parent until I did research online on abuse behavior.

Or maybe I always knew.

Maybe it was when I would always go to my friends houses and see how their parents interacted with them on a consistent basis. Maybe it was how they always said “I love you” and showed them over and over that they meant it. Maybe it was the communication, the reassurance, the unconditional support that they gave to their children.

None of these was my father.

Instead his mood shifted from neutral to furious in a matter of minutes, if not seconds. Instead his way of bonding with me was telling me about all the things I did wrong rather than applauding me for the things I did right. Instead his way of showing affection was glancing in my general direction after I said hello or goodbye. His only involvement in my life was to control me.

But I didn’t want to be controlled anymore.