6. How To Improve Your Social Skills

Truthfully, I am not the greatest conversationalist. I am an introvert and as an introvert I find joy in being alone. I find it amusing to be in an empty room with my thoughts. In the last four years I have improved my social skills significantly.

I don’t talk much but what makes me great with people is that I am a great listener. I make it an effort to listen to people and genuinely understand their situation and who they are as a person by asking questions that lead to uncover more about who they are.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

The key to this is to never ask closed-ended questions. Those are questions that people will usually always respond with a yes or no answer. Ask open-ended questions, doing this will allow the person to talk about themselves and mostly always the first thing they share is what is most important to them at that present moment. Open-ended questions start with “How” and “What.” For example, “How did you choose the career that you are in now?”, “What is it about your career that most excites you?”, etc. Their answers will allow you to build off of and continue the conversation. It also helps if you share a personal story that relates to the discussion.

Match Their Energy Levels

Make it a conscious effort to match the energy level of the person whom you are talking to. Psychiatrist Milton H. Erickson was notorious for doing this with his clients. If his clients were short with him he would react in the same manner. If his clients were in a cheerful mood he would respond the same way. People enjoy spending time with those they are similar to.

Smile with your eyes

Don’t just blankly stare as you’re talking to people smile with your eyes. A great example of someone who practices this is William Ury, master negotiator and author of “Getting Past No: Negotiating in Difficult Situations.” Watch any of his interviews on YouTube and you’ll see what I am talking about. By doing this he sets a friendly and positive tone that allows the other person to feel comfortable.

And no, this is not a way to deceive people this is a way to win with people.