8. “7 Truths” is like a Dare

When simple you is all you’ve got, what’s there to talk about?

I write at night. Late at night, when it’s really quiet. For some reason, I’m desperate for silence. Last night, I finished my post at 5 ish. A.M. Went to bed and woke up for work at 8 ish. A.M.

I’m beat.

You’ll usually notice I’m beat by one of these 3 hints:

• I write a lot, but say not… so much.
• I write very little. Still saying… not so much.
• I write “technically”. Give lots of info and less insight.

So, since I’m incapable of connecting two different thoughts at this time in my life, I’m calling myself out. I’m challenging my own truth.

Photo by Benjamin Combs

Here are 7 truths of mine at this point:

1. It’s funny how I felt the need to say sorry for not being fresh.
   See? I rarely allow my inner writer to be less than perfect. But I would create contexts that would bring just that out. I almost always feel the need to excuse my shortings. One way or another.
2. I’ll challenge myself to writing a Week full of Truths.
   Here. Each day, for a week, I’ll write 7 deep truths about myself.
3. I’m afraid I’m a disappointment for my boss.
   This was not meant to be a professional statement.
4. I’m learning to wait.
   Fresh out of AIESEC — an international youth organization I’d volunteered with, while a student — I realized things happen slower in the real world. A lot slower. I work with “Romes” (e.n. — complex, time consuming processes similar to building a city). And we all know they weren’t build in a day. I’m bound to learn going slow. But steady.
5. Today I cried from physical pain.
   There were 17 degrees Celsius below 0. That was cold. Someone had promised me a ride home, but their car broke down. In spirit of solidarity, I stayed in the car till the situation was solved. I said to myself I never abandon a sinking ship. My feet were cold, so when I got home to warm temperature, defrosting was a b****.
6. I’m starting to like living alone.
   I enjoy the deep silences at night, when I can write down my truths.
   I love the freedom of expressing absolutely anything out loud.
   I have deep appreciation for patient messes that quietly wait to be sorted out.
   For the past 4 months I’ve been on a Loneliness Manifesto. This meant I was living by myself, but under protest. That looked pretty much like I would living by myself. But consciously and intentionally not be happy about it. Yes, just like a kid.
   Last night was the first time since September when I slept in the bedroom. That was a big step. But I’ll make one of my next posts this week about that.
7. Every night I hope that I won’t be alone for long now.

I cannot go deeper than that right now. I cannot come up with something more interesting or more useful for you… Because I can’t think.

And I really am sorry for that.

Being relevant is important. To me. Even if I don’t succeed in being useful or at least intriguing to you, I know I did my best. And that makes me feel… at home — as if I were where I was supposed to be, doing what I was supposed to be doing.

But tonight, that’s all I got. A selfish post.

So, maybe sometimes it’s okay to just be as you are. Isn’t it?

I don’t know. Tonight, you tell me.

— — —

Read othe Naked Words I’ve written lately:

#Prodigality | #LettingGo | #Story | #Voice | #Freedom | #Relate | #Adventure