Are You Married Yet?

A glimpse at being single in the South

Jerry leaned over the counter as I ran the copier a few feet away. The front desk had a glass window, much like a doctor’s office, and Jerry had taken it upon himself to open the window and leisurely lean in, ignoring the sign that said “Please wait for assistance.”

“Hey, you married yet?” he asked gruffly through his unkept mustache. He dropped a couple of thick files onto the desk.

I offered him a thin smile, leaving the copier to collect his files.

“No.” I was used to this question and offered no further explanation.

“Well . . . well,” he stammered, as if suddenly noticing the invasiveness of his question, “you’re smart. Stay single. Don’t get yourself tied down.”

He waved as he left, and I returned to the copier, unfazed though a little annoyed. Jerry had not been asking out of personal interest — he had been married for years and was in no way interested in me. He had asked me about my marital status much like people ask, “How’s your family?” or “You doing okay?”

I have regularly fielded this particular marriage question ever since I graduated from college. Here in the South, a girl is supposed to graduate from college, get married shortly thereafter, buy a house — preferably one that comes with a porch, a yard, and a golden retriever — and start popping out babies.

In this case, Jerry told me not to get married, not to get tied down. This is often the response I get from men who ask me if I’m married and then hear that I’m not.

When women ask me this question, they usually reply with an encouraging smile and pat on the hand. “It will happen soon,” they say. “Don’t you worry.”

I’m not worried. Believe it or not, I’m not over here feeling sad and incomplete because I’m unmarried. My life is not fragmented, nor is my happiness thwarted, just because I don’t have a man “installed” in my life. I think that’s how a lot of people view marriage — as an “installation” that completes the picture for a happy life. And perhaps this is true for some people. But it’s not true for me.

I’m already happy.