Cool kid

I have always wanted to be cool.

It seems to be such a great attitude: always calm, relaxed, doesn’t get intimidated by anything and in turn intimidates others. The picture in my head is a James Dean type, hair brushed back in a leather jacket, white shirt, faded jeans and aviator shades — which probably comes form watching Grease as a kid than anything else.

Urban dictionary’s top definition of the term goes:

“ The best way to say something is neat-o, awesome, or swell. The phrase “cool” is very relaxed, never goes out of style, and people will never laugh at you for using it, very convenient for people like me who don’t care about what’s ‘in.’”

And I guess that’s what I want to be for most of my self-conscious moments. We always want to be what we are not. Because in real life, I’m a jumble of nerves and agitation, never knowing when to say something or when to shut up. I want the composure “cool” brings; the lack of awkwardness in social settings that’s very hard to fake or shake off.

Detached. Another word for cool. Maybe that is all there is to it… just to be detached form the situation you are in. Calm, because you’re unaffected. Relaxed, because you’re unconcerned… Uncaring.

Maybe being “cool” isn’t really something to aspire to be.