Day 13: Radical honesty
What if I started to tell the WHOLE TRUTH?
What if I started saying whatever I think when I think it?
My opinion, it would be the worst thing ever.
No omissions, no lying, no trying to change the subject. None of it.
Radical honesty.
So, the next time I talk to my high-school friend I’d say: You know what, I don’t really want to see you that much, I just have no interest in keeping contact anymore, we haven’t been friends for longer then we both like to admit.
To my other high-school friend: I find it really shitty that whenever I’m in the country and you are home as well, you never even bother to arrange a meeting and go for a coffee or something.
To my male Austrian friend: you’re the biggest asshole I’ve ever known, you are an inadequate drunk and stoner and even the fact that you have MS doesn’t make me feel sorry for you, cause of how you behaved the whole previous week. There are no excuses for the way I was being treated and I hope I will never see you again.
To the guy who has been in love with me for over 2 years: you’re weak and you have a lot of issues you gotta resolve, quit drinking and be a man in your freaking 30’s, stop being such a lame excuse for a human being. Sleeping with someone and thinking of me — not ok. Telling me about it — not ok. Get of your miserable donkey and stop living your life, stop being hung up on a girl that you saw for two weeks 2.5 years ago and kissed a couple of times. Stop the crap. “I wish I never met you” For christ’s sakes, take responsibility for all the shit you told me and for the feelings you feel and deal with it. You can’t have me. I’m not yours.
To my crazy ski-racer friend: stop fucking around. You seem like a very cool guy. But damn it, stop sleeping with too-drunk-for-their-own-good girls, just because they’re easier to take advantage of. Try someone who’s not so easy.
To my last summer bf: you brought a lot of joy in my life and I was happy to have you, until you hurt me immensely, broke my heart and never send me my favorite book back. I hate that you backed out on everything you said. I hate it all. You made my birthday that much worse.
To Damir, my long-lost crush from Austria: I had the greatest time with you, we had a real connection I didn’t think was possible, it’s a shame it ended as abruptly as it started, but it was worth it anyway. I guess, you weren’t ready and I just pushed too hard. I will never forget our endless kissing on your bed, insatiable “grass” time in that park near Zell am See and my insides going crazy when you stroked my hand in the cinema.
To my mom and dad: I love you. Anything else isn’t that important.
To my long-distance bf: I don’t know now that we’re 2000 miles away from each other. That’s why I need reassurance, that’s why now I need even more from you. More fake whatsapp kisses, more “miss you”, more “thinking of you”, more “remember when we..?”, more telling me things, more attention and more us. But if you don’t, if this is just a way to let me go gradually or make me do that for you, be a man and tell me straight. At least then, I could start to heal and we would forget all this nonsence we created in our heads.
Maybe sometimes radical honesty isn’t the way to go…
Thank you for reading,
xo
N@t
