Do you know that girl?

It’s been a while

NATALIIA TOTKA
Jul 30, 2017 · 3 min read

To try and calm myself down, to “acquire” some faith in this uncertain period of my life, I am putting this piece I wrote a while ago to make myself breathe and find strength I have no more of.

Do you know that girl surrounded with guys?

That girl who is pulled in different directions all the time?

Do you know the girl whose laugh is contagious and eyes are as bright as sunshine on a cloudless spring day?

Do you know the one?

She is the girl to watch.

Not because she is wearing a slim-fitted dress, not because of the strappy sandals.

But because of the way she is.

She could connect to a stone on the street.

She’s relatable like that. She will always root for the underdog. She’s the one who would feel bad, even about the people who wronged her. She would pity some and have a trouble letting go. She hates gossip. She despises the “chit-chat”, she could do something better with her time.

Think about the slightly psychologically damaged people around her.

How about that weird colleague who everybody laughs at?

She did too, to blend in.

But even after some weird encounters, she felt sad for her.

Maybe the woman was lost; maybe she was just like her, someone who never belonged anywhere. Yes, she’s weird; she’s so weird there should be a special place for people like that.

But that didn’t change her sadness.

Couldn’t understand why, but the tall new guy in the kitchen, made her feel even worse.

Too tall, the face too prolonged, the expression of someone with mental illness

She would never want anyone to be described like that, but she thought it, maybe other people did too.

Devastating.

Someone wins a genetic lottery and someone has to look like he’s sick. He can be the nicest person on a planet and yet, no one may ever know

She feared someone will define her.

“It’s none of your business what others think of you”, — the voice inside her head proclaimed and she knew it too well

“Never to be defined” — was her life’s mission among other things

Because that girl who you think is too friendly or too flirty

Has too much love to give

Has so much positivity and good intentions to spread around

Has so much to share

That she can’t keep it to herself

Nor good or bad

Once she’s full of emotion, it has to go to someone

It has to inspire, motivate, inform, and change others

Otherwise her life wouldn’t make any sense

She is in pain every day, in agony

She feels a great responsibility on her shoulders, she’s burdened with the goals she set up for herself, and she’s weighted down by the society’s norms and life’s hurdles

***

She is me.

She is you.

She is so many other girls out there.

And I wish to us all a bit more strength to get through the day, I wish to never give up and I’m certain that our spirits will never break, whatever happens.

Thank you for reading

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Est. May 2016. 100 vulnerable words, one day at a time. Every day.

NATALIIA TOTKA

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100 Naked Words

Est. May 2016. 100 vulnerable words, one day at a time. Every day.