Does alcohol make you a better writer?

Let’s find out.

I just went to happy hour after work, and am currently on the bus commuting home. I only had one glass of wine, but I feel a little drunk, so let’s see how this goes.

This reminds me of the time I drank a Kombucha at work. I was trying to build a financial model, and things weren’t going well. Numbers weren’t adding up or making sense. Everything felt a little…fuzzy. After a few minutes of struggling to understand what I was doing, I realized I felt kind of…drunk?

Was this even possible?

I always knew Kombuchas had “trace” amounts of alcohol, a by-product of its natural fermentation, but I was feeling more than a “trace” amount of drunk. I’d say it was closer to a glass of wine. Maybe two.

Once I realized what was happening, I decided to share the news with all my coworkers.

“I’m drunk from a Kombucha!” I shouted across the office.

Everyone laughed at me. Then they made fun of me.

“I swear you guys, I actually feel drunk.”

Still, no one believed me. I felt alone. Since I wasn’t feeling supported by my coworkers, I texted some of my Kombucha-loving friends: “I drank a Kombucha, and now I am drunk.” They too laughed at me, citing the old party line — “trace” amounts of alcohol.

I felt misunderstood, and perhaps a little crazy. Was it all in my head?

Without answers, I ignored the fuzzy feeling in my head and finished my model. Well, not quite, I had to go back into work the next day to fix all my mistakes.

Fast forward to two weeks later.

I open the homepage of the New York Times.

No.

NO!

There it was. The most magical headline I’ve ever seen.

“Whole Foods Pulls Kombucha from Shelves Amidst Reports of High Alcohol Content”

I screamed. Then read more.

“One brand, the top-selling Synergy line, might even continue to ‘cook,’ or ferment, in the bottle. That can bring the alcohol content from a legal 0.5 percent to as much as 3 percent, which is as high as some beers.”

I KNEW it! I had been right all along!! I felt so VINDICATED!

I sent the article to everyone in the office. They apologized to me. I sent it to my Kombucha-loving friends and waited for their reply.

Finally, my friend B responded: “No wonder I like the stuff so much.”

Post 10/100 of my 100 day writing challenge for 100 Naked Words.