Jan 2, 2020
Happy New Year, or Same Ole Sh*t?
I just don’t know how I feel about the New Year this year. Normally I look forward to the new year for a fresh start, a kind of wipe-the-slate-clean new beginning. This year I’m not feeling that way. It feels like just another day coming up, whether that is due to stress or lack of concern, I’m not sure.
Normally, we are the ones hosting a New Year’s Eve party, all of family and friends show up, but this year everything is different. We haven’t had any contact with lots of our friends lately, my husband’s brother is out of town on work assignment, my youngest most likely has to work, and my house is in disarray while my hubby works on my Christmas gift…he is remodeling the office so I will have a proper place to write.
I have been spending a lot more time with my dad as he has Parkinson’s Syndrome and most things are difficult for him to manage. So if we go anywhere, I will worry about him, yet I don’t feel like hosting a big bash at my house either. We have been invited to a friend’s house, but Dad doesn’t know them and noisy places bother him anyway. So I’m still on the fence about that.
Not to say I’m not excited about the coming year, I’m hoping I’ll be inspired in my new office and the writing will become a real source of income for me. I’m just going into New Year’s Eve with less of a partying frame of mind than normal. Am I just getting old? Am I stressed out? I don’t know, but the next thing you hear from me may just be that we stayed home and watched the ball drop from the comforts of our couch if I don’t get out of this funk I’m in.
It has been a horrible year, with loss, injuries, the state of the world, I’m about to be unemployed again, the list goes on. I’m not really depressed, I just can’t put my finger on the way I’m feeling this year. In my mind, I normally view the New Year as a calendar page flipping over and the past is just black. This year I seem to be dragging the past year into the new one, maybe that is why I’m feeling so disconnected.
Yes, I did some cheating on my diet through the holidays, yet I’m only off by a few pounds, I’m disciplined enough to get back on track after the new year, so that’s not it. My body hurts on a daily now, I am 58 after all, so maybe that has me just a bit down…I don’t know. I don’t think I’m becoming antisocial, although, I can stay at my house for DAYS if I’m not careful. I need to work on my goals and my purpose, that will get me in the mood for sure. Once I am no longer employed, I will have more time to write, volunteer, visit my dad, craft a beautiful diamond art painting… (Of course, I was only working a small part-time job anyway, it was the hours that made things hard to accomplish).
Honestly, the thought has crossed my mind that if I didn’t have to be here for New Year’s Eve, I would want to be out of town. I mean it. So many times we have done the party, the cleanup, and the New Year’s Day dinner. Why can’t we get a break and be able to go somewhere and enjoy ourselves with no commitments? See, now I feel guilty for even thinking that. Ugh.
See, I bet you guys thought this was going to be a political post. Nope, I’m not into politics enough to make any kind of statement on that. My mention of the state of the world has more to do with the general way things are going, the level of violence increasing, the lack of caring by so many, and world disasters. Is the new year going to be better? I certainly hope so!! I can’t even stand to turn on the news these days except to hear the weather, the headlines are all depressing.
Well, whatever you do, I hope you have a great time, stay safe, and have a Happy New Year!! Don’t drink and drive for God’s sake! We’ve seen enough tragedy in the world this year, let’s all be responsible and have a DD or get an Uber. That is all, peace out!
