How to Find Freedom

Samantha Wallen
Jul 24, 2017 · 2 min read

I can feel freedom moving in on me. Not the kind that has become the American sound bite, the rally cry of democracy. No, the freedom I am talking about is the deep breath that comes despite the fact that I spent all day calculating my enormous debt and making a cash flow spreadsheet that shows I have no flowing cash.

The freedom I’m talking about is a warmth in my chest that spills over into a relaxation that touches every cell in my body despite the fact that I’m still fighting the worst flu I’ve ever had, my left hip feels arthritic and I limp after sitting too long, and my hormones, mixed with political distress, are causing me an anxiety I’ve never experienced before.

It doesn’t stay, this freedom. It simply comes upon me for a moment and then leaves me to my contracted containment — my holding, my worry, my tiresome attempts and getting it right.

This freedom is fleeting, like a soft breeze, a passing thought. I hope, pray, and think it will stay. In fact, I’ve come to expect it. I grasp for it, get upset, and take it personal when it’s not here. I wonder if I’ve done something wrong, been left out again, or failed at feeling its constant presence and am to blame when it’s not here. This is what happens when you are continually promised something that no one can give.

Freedom only comes from within you.

So I am learning where to find it. It’s usually hidden underneath my disappointment, tucked inside my worry, or stashed way up on top of my expectations where I can’t see it.

It does make for a fun adventure looking for it, and I might not recognize its sweet relief if I weren’t so familiar with my own containment.


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100 Naked Words

Est. May 2016. 100 vulnerable words, one day at a time. Every day.

Samantha Wallen

Written by

Founder/CEO WriteInPower, poet, writer, book coach, social justice disciple, steam-punk time traveler tending to where value, core wounds, and brilliance meet.

100 Naked Words

Est. May 2016. 100 vulnerable words, one day at a time. Every day.

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