
Nobody is trying to hurt you.
OK — a rare minority might actually be attempting to cause you harm from a frighteningly lucid perspective. Call the Police. We’ll continue when you get back.
Anyway.
People who are hurt will take it out on you.
I was bullied and excluded a fair bit through my teenage years.
Few liked me and I couldn’t understand why. Even my friends group spent a lot of time being shitty. One day our class turned against a girl I hung out with. They were calling her names for being prudish and boring. When she came to me for consolation, I bitingly advised her that maybe she shouldn’t be so prudish and boring and then people would like her.
I felt absolutely furious with her. Only years later did I come to understand why.
She had been given labels; prudish, boring, that she could easily change with her behavior to fit in — and she eventually did. Throughout my school years, no-one ever told me what was wrong with me, so I had no opportunity to try to fit in. Being told ‘no-one likes you and there’s nothing you can do about it’ cut deep. I mean I was often called ugly, but how do you change that?
I have tried desperately not to screw anyone over like that again. (And I no longer try to change myself to please anyone, just FYI.) The simple fact is that people who are hurting will hurt others.
I’ve hurt people, you’ve hurt people. This submission was supposed to be about how often I get taken for a ride by people in my social circle and beyond. But the truth is — I am not a victim here. I encounter the same cycles as everyone. Hurt doesn’t necessarily come from a place where your name is written.
Some Suggestions for Remedy
- Apologize when you attack.
- If you find yourself under attack, the age-old question, ‘Would you like to talk about something?’ is useful.
- Endurance & Patience are great. Everyone is having a terrible time at some point in their lives, and who knows — you might be next. If you’ve spent your life on a high horse or screwing people over, you’re going to be in that abyss on your own.
- Stand up for people. Not just because I’m a woman and you’re a man. Not just because we’re of the same or different color / race / religion / tennis club. Stand up for anyone who needs help.

