Is it enough to just want?
It is the 70th Independence Day here in India and
I find myself removed from the usual patriotic displays.
Removed enough to not care about the ceremonies, the usual pomp that follows. And curiously enough I ask myself,
Why do I feel so removed?
Surely, I must feel pride, I must feel the enormous burden of a free, independent, democracy-the largest in the world, bearing down upon me? And yet I fail to feel its gravitas. The cost of this victory 70 years ago fails to move me. The blood that has been spilt over years to achieve this indescribable triumph, the fruits of which I so coldly enjoy today, fails to evoke any kind of sentiment. While I am cognisant and respectful of the cost of this victory and I mean no disrespect of any kind, I must be honest in admitting I remain unmoved today.
I wonder if this failure is mine alone?
I hesitate to go through the motions like an automaton, to revert to our default settings. See day>make FB post>forward WhatsApp Share>Feel proud to have done my bit. This hesitation born out an emptiness, a rather disappointing feeling. My national pride for once simply languishes. But allow me to clarify my commitment to the nation, to our national identity, towards my duty to the country suffers no shortage. I feel like the obnoxious tutor who is failed by the student, despite his best efforts and in this analogy we are both the student and the tutor. I fear we have failed despite our best intentions. We have failed to find any actual reason to celebrate, that is based on a progress trajectory of any kind.
In the spirit of the day I feel we have won, but it is a hollow victory, a symbolic triumph, rather than a day that stands for true progress. I find myself asking is it enough to merely want to be better, enough to actually become better? Is it enough to merely want something bad enough for it to happen? We seem to be living under the delusion that, that is so.
And until we think it is enough to want something, is where our national duty ends, we shall remain a nation just going through the motions, year after year and I humbly refuse to be a part of that. While I love you all the same India, permit me my recalcitrance in today’s celebrations.
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