Naturalized Citizens to sue US government for lack of promised happiness.

November 22, New York, New York —

“I came to this country based on this paper,” said Binesh, a Muslim woman from Somalia. She will not release her last name publicly out of fear for America's new love affair with fascism. She became a naturalized US citizen 2 years ago. The “paper” she has is from the US. A tattered three fold pamphlet. Part of America’s “Pursue YOUR happiness TODAY!” campaign from 1984 when immigration to the US was slightly more encouraged. “I was opening a big bag of old clothing and I found it in the pocket of some acid washed American blue jeans. I made an acid washed tent for my children out of them.”

A contract with the world? Maybe.

The US sends tons of rejected resale clothing to Africa as part of an ongoing charity effort. It also helps to keep the textile industry thriving in other parts of the world. By flooding the African market with our “Pistons 90” shirts, they no longer need to make their own clothing. Centuries of people passing down skills making exotic textiles from the finest threads, are no longer necessary or wanted. They can all now find better jobs at oil refineries or other incorporated manufacturing facilities.

“The paper lied. I am now suing the US,” She said. She has filed a class action lawsuit against the US for “bait and switch” and false advertising. “There’s a few hundred of us now. We we’re told we could find happiness here. Now we have an orange man in power that wants to kill us? Forget this! I was “happier” hiding from pirates!”

She and the rest of the claimants are asking for a return ticket back to their countries of origin or anyplace in the world not touted as a “democracy.” “Pursue THIS, Trump!” she ended.

Calls to the incoming Trump administration for their opinions on the case ended at an intern’s desk. With Trump’s transition team changing daily, “Kirk” has been the only one so far to stick it out more than a week. “I think President Trump will be fine with them going, but they can do it on their own dime,” said “Kirk” the intern.

“Kirk.” Probably.

When asked about why new citizens might not feel welcome here anymore “Kirk” continued, ”They never really were welcome you know. Only to do jobs no one wanted. The people that voted for Mr. Trump will be wanting even those jobs soon enough. We think it’s great!”

“See you in court, Mr. Trump,” Binesh.