Of Birthdays and Growing “Older”
Day 1 as a quarter-of-a-centurion.
Listen to “I am woman” because empowerment feels great. Like being drunk, except without the hangovers and without the spinning world. Figuratively. Literally, the Earth spirals around its axis, and that won’t ever change.
In the beginning, there was a cry. That cry became words, and words became symbols. After a while, the quest for symbolism died — in fingers typing too quickly as brain tries to catch up. Well, brain caught up. Day 1 as a 25 year old feels different. It feels good.
It doesn’t feel significant. It doesn’t feel metaphorical or any of the other things I used to put stock in. I am roaring, quietly. Safe in the knowledge that I am as powerful as I want to be. I can be anything, be anyone I choose. Life is made up of choices.
This is the biggest lesson I’ve learned so far. You can’t lose something that belongs to you, and the biggest thing that belongs to you, is you. Birthdays are special — they remind you of how far you’ve come in life. They are celebrations of the things you have done, the stories you’ve written, the epiphanies you’ve had. They’re celebrations of the choices you’ve made.
All I chose in the past made me who I am today. Some choices may be tinged in regret, doubt or pain, but I will never un-make them. I will never say I chose wrongly. There is wisdom in knowing that nothing you’ve ever done is “wrong”.
They’re merely pit stops.
Sometimes, it is good to rest. It is good to pause for a while and wallow. Without wallowing, there will be no understanding. There will be no “ah ha!” moment. The epiphanies exist in space between light and darkness. In the infinity beyond your peripheral grasp.
I’m trying too hard to be philosophical, or maybe, not trying hard enough. All I know is that today, I woke up, said hello to the world and accepted that I am here. I am here. I am here. I am arriving.
You can bend but never break me
’cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
’cause you’ve deepened the conviction in my soul
— I am Woman (Helen Reddy)
Thank you Tre L. Loadholt for the lovely birthday wish. ❤
Knowing you has made me a stronger person.
