Doing

A plan was made, then everything was prepared. Now the deed is done. Nothing dramatic, a simple “do” whose purpose was to get to know the neighbours. I should be exhilarated. Today I join the company of the doers. I said I would do something and I did. But why the sadness now?

It was for a great cause and I truly believe that we achieved what we set out to do and yet there is a bitter taste is left in my mouth. Why?

I feel exposed somehow. So exposed that I want to run somewhere and hide and hope people forget. Somehow doing what I believe in, feels like me standing in front of the line in a battle field unarmed. I know that’s a little dramatic (maybe more than a little) but truly it does feel that way. See, I was the on that sat at the back of the class. The one who didn’t raise her hand even when she knew the answer and had to be called upon to do so. The one who usually agrees with everyone just to “keep the peace” even when she may think differently.

Lately though, I’ve been re-evaluating that position. I cannot sit and idly watch life pass me by waiting to join forces with someone who thinks like I do- if she/he ever comes my way. So I begin to do something. Its bitter-sweet right now but I hope that each day, purpose not fear will lead.