Rejecting is just as Bad as Rejection

“I’m so, so, so sorry but I will have to drop out.”

It is with a heavy heart that I send off the email, informing the moderators of a ficfest that I cannot finish writing for the prompt I had picked up before April.

I don’t know what reaction they will have. It’s a lovely ficfest they have organized, and it’s a lovely prompt. My beta loves it, and she was so excited when I picked it up. But for months I’ve struggled with writing anything for it, I had every single thing planned out but I just couldn’t start writing beyond two of three lines of dialogues.

I’ve had to break the news to my beta yesterday, and she went ‘wHat’ before assuring me that it’s ok, real life is more important, and I could always just go back to it.

I know she’s not disappointed in me persay, but it’s clear that she’s disappointed that the prompt wasn’t fleshed into a full one. I’m disappointed, too. I’ve signed up for many ficfests, and it’s the first time I’ve ever dropped out one. I’ve asked for many extensions, begged for new eyes on my work — but never dropped out.

It tastes like defeat.