Remember that time someone seriously asked whether you’d kicked another staff member in the genitals?

Let’s talk about this girl Ellie.

A staff member accused Ellie of harassment once. Whenever she tells people that, they always say what did you do?

She remembers the meeting she’d called to discuss this staff member’s behaviour at work, on shift. Let’s call this staff member Thomas.

It was really difficult to get Thomas to the meeting. He was sick. He’d forgotten. Something came up with his son. He was held back at his other job. Ellie had set up a meeting about five times. She understood Thomas’ hesitation and she was nervous too. She wanted to nip this in the bud, so to speak.

Ellie rostered a shift time for Thomas that would coincide with both her and the HR Manager being present. Thomas had agreed to be at the meeting. The HR Manager coached her on getting straight to the point and not being drawn away from the issues at hand. It was going to be OK.

Thomas arrived at this meeting. He was closed off and angry. Ellie discussed why the meeting was taking place. Thomas did not care.

You’ve harassed me over the past few weeks. This is harassment. Harassment.

The words tumbled about inside Ellie’s head. This was a conversation she knew she could no longer be a part of. There was relief, somehow, being freed from the responsibility of having to performance manage a staff member which she’d had no experience doing. But it also filled her with dread. This was the start of a long and uncomfortable situation. She did not feel angry at being accused of harassment, she felt otherworldly, like she’d left her body and was looking at it from above.

An investigation into the allegations commenced. Ellie’s colleagues and staff members were interviewed. Thomas accused Ellie of further crimes: physical assault on two colleagues.

I’ve just turned off the recorder Ellie. I’d strongly suggest taking a break before we continue.

Her Manager, Nick, was kind. He knew exactly how crushing the following questions would be. She had a friend present which was at the same time embarassing and comforting.

Have you ever kicked another staff member in the genitals?

Ellie could not muster a what in reply. That question would be hilarious to hear if it weren’t so serious a situation. She thought about laughing.

She’s also accused you of kicking a Manager in the leg.

Getting angry and being incredulous in response to these lies would have been a reasonable reaction. Nevertheless, Ellie tried her hardest to be professional and respond as level-headed as she could. Somehow, she managed to get through the interview with dry eyes. The tears were welling up but she let the sobs stay in her chest until it was over.

After the interview, she cried for hours. The most upsetting part was not that someone would lie about such things, but that someone hated her so much that they’d want to hurt her so deeply. Thomas held nothing back. He went for the jugular.

Over the next couple of months while the investigation was underway, Ellie and Thomas continued to work together. Ellie made sure that she never directly supervised Thomas and made contact time with him in the office and via email as minimal as possible.

Thomas made his presence known when they were in proximity of each other. He made remarks about Ellie’s efficacy and decisions in front of other staff members and Ellie felt like the smallest person in the world. In contrast to Ellie’s shrinking, Thomas grew to take up as much space as he could claim.

Nick spent hours listening to Ellie breakdown in his office about Thomas’ behaviour. He gave her all the time she needed. He gave her all the comforting words he could. He always had answers to somehow get her through the day.

Am I being bullied Nick? Is what I’m describing to you bullying? Is he bullying me?

If you feel bullied, then that’s what it is.

Does that mean that because he felt harassed, that’s what it was?

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Nick did not have any more answers.