Stop Telling People It’s Going to be Okay
The Importance of Just Listening
As a therapist, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard patients say they don’t like talking to their loved ones about feeling depressed, anxious, lonely, etc. This is most often because their loved ones are always trying to give advice or trying to reassure them that “everything is going to be okay.” The problem is that if they are feeling depressed, anxious, or lonely they might not feel like everything is going to be okay, and when people tell them otherwise, they might as well be saying “Well have you tried not being depressed?”
If all a depressed or anxious person needed was a simple piece of advice or reassuring statement, they wouldn’t be depressed or anxious.
This invalidation denies a person the right and freedom to feel and express their feelings in a safe space. We are seeing more invalidation than ever after this years election. Instead of hearing each other’s opinions, we deny each other by using names like racist, smug, ignorant, even “liberal” and “conservative” have turned into insults. So let your friends and family be angry, or happy, or depressed, or anxious. Ask how you can help or just offer to listen to them vent.
This is where the healing starts.
