This Charming Man

Emma
Emma
Jul 10, 2017 · 2 min read

A conversation with students turned into an interesting analysis today.

Complaining about her co-worker, one of my students said that he frequented marriage hunting parties and would be quite a catch if only he was more charming.

Being a medical worker, he’s considered quite a catch here — rich and stable at the least. But his apparent lack of hygiene, paranoid personality and poor communication skills are keeping him out in the cold.

We talked about what we thought defined charm and I explained two contrasting types of stereotypical, western ‘charming man’.

The first one was the manly man, the guy who sweeps you off your feet with loud, open romantic gestures. Yet he can’t be tamed and will always be a bad boy unless you manage to change him. (Which you will likely not do)

Or the quintessential Hugh Grant-a-like. He fusses with his hair, apologizes frequently and is the perfect, bashful gentleman until you take him home, whereupon you hope he turns into the kind of beast that makes you walk funny the next day. (Which he will likely not be)

The same kettle of fish exists in Japan. You have the Carnivore man — who loves seducing women across the country, and the Herbivore man — who is passive, shy and happy to be just friends. Find the full list here and draw your own conclusions.

While it stands to reason that people might have a ‘type’ of person they want as a partner, and indeed that might be the reason you find these similar stereotypes across the globe, relationships are far more complicated than that, right?

I mean who hasn’t fallen for someone because of their interesting quirks. Quirks which others find weird, a turn-off or even, you know, ‘illegal’. Fast forward 3 years later — you hate that quirk and everything it stands for and you’re legging it down the road to someone the complete opposite.

Yes.

So.

Conclusion : Charm is a time-specific feeling, wrapped in current trends and experiences, surrounded by an overwhelming need not to be alone at that exact moment.

100 Naked Words

Est. May 2016. 100 vulnerable words, one day at a time. Every day.

Emma

Written by

Emma

Psychology Researcher interested in Borderline Personality Disorder (C-PTSD). I love Science and Science Fiction, but I get most excited when they meet.

100 Naked Words

Est. May 2016. 100 vulnerable words, one day at a time. Every day.

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