We All Feel Behind in Some Way

And if someone tells you they don’t, they’re lying.

Deep down, we all feel like we’re behind in some way. From the time we start school, we are presented with a picture of how we should appear, what and how we should learn, and who we should be. The picture only becomes more complex as we get older, and we project this image outward, as if it were a finish line in a race, believing we should be able to reach certain milestones by the time we reach certain ages. Unfortunately, the feeling of “being behind” only escalates as time passes, causing an undercurrent of anxiety to thread behind our relationships, career choices, life decisions, and overall sense of purpose.

As we move through life, we constantly compare our current situations to our inner pictures of how life “should” be for us — we should graduate, find a career, get married, have children, reach our goals, and even retire, all by a certain age we have predetermined in our minds. This predetermined plan never unfolds as we hope or expect it to, and yet we push forward, trying to force our way, oblivious to the life we are missing as we speed by.

I have a friend who just turned 40 and is horrified to find herself divorced, single, and without the family she desires. She feels behind particularly with regard to having children and lives in fear that it will never happen. I have another friend nearing 30 who jumps from idea to idea about careers and possibilities of furthering his education, hoping to land on “the one” that will be his life purpose. I personally face this feeling of “being behind” on a regular basis, particularly as I watch friends and colleagues cross different thresholds of what we consider to be “success.” It is an insidious and uncomfortable feeling, but one that I realize we all share, regardless of how successful we may appear on the surface.

So if we all feel behind in some way, that must mean that the “standard” by which we measure our progress is inherently flawed, right? So what would happen if we just dropped the standard and decided we were okay right where we are? I suspect we would be much less anxious and much more able to enjoy life as it comes, instead of dictating how it should be.