We Stole Napoleon from the French

How dreams are efficient

Several weeks of stressors led to the dream sequence I had last night.

It started in a field.

A statue of Napoleon was front and centre, surrounded by a few people declaring it the nth anniversary since the UK stole Napoleon from the French. The crowd was sparse and my first instinct was that the EDL was undoubtedly involved.

Sky News was there. Which only reinforced my beliefs re: English Defense League.

A lady who declared she was from the French Credit Union (is that a thing?) suddenly appeared to give a speech about something ominous and then disappeared, like a child’s birthday party magician, beneath a black cloak.

I headed away from the commotion and got on a train to London, only to learn 7 people had been shot, including a Reporter I’m not particularly fond of for his hostility. Everyone on the train was super friendly, and I mean super friendly. I sat on the lap of one girl as I told her what I’d just seen. She thought it was hilarious.

I arrived at a hotel filled with Conservative Party members for a conference I had no idea about. Also I was in nothing but my pants and every time I tried to find my room I would walk through a door straight to the outside entrance of the hotel. The Concierge would give me a bemused look, and a man on a gondola was waiting in a tiny bit of water which seemed to go on for — at most — 8 meters.

Finding my way back inside I met up with Jeremy Corbyn, who told me he was absolutely gutted that my taxes were being taken from me, but that I was ‘in the thick of it’ right now. I thanked him for his time.

In the next building I could see my friends in the gym. I tried to get their attention but it was futile. I remained in my pants.

There is so much going on in life at the moment, and this dream — which lasted little over an hour in real time — encapsulated all of my worries and fears.

Dreams are remarkably efficient when cleaning the brain.

And although I will be tired for most of today, I know a lot of emotional loose-ends have been tied up, and that will make all the difference.