What It Means To Be All In

“Jump, and you will find out how to unfold your wings as you fall.” — Ray Bradbury

I once had a man tell me that he “thought” he loved me. He said it in a moment of heightened vulnerability, almost stammering, as if he could barely form the words his heart wanted to say. Months later, when we reached an impasse, he fell back on his wording to protect himself.

“I said ‘I thought’ I love you,” he explained, feeling uncomfortable, not wanting to be nailed down to any emotion or concept. “And I may love you . . . I’m still figuring it out.”

“It’s not something you figure out,” I told him. “It’s not in your head. It’s not something you ‘think.’ It’s something you know in your heart, in your bones, without thinking.”

When we know something, deep down, even if that knowing feels uncomfortable, we have two choices: we can skirt the edges, weighing the pros and the cons, considering all the possible outcomes that may result from our actions, or we can jump in with both feet, and let the chips fall where they may. Fear is present in either case, but the latter option provides us the opportunity to discover what is on the other side of fear. This doesn’t mean we are invulnerable and won’t fall flat on our faces — we certainly may. Even if we fall, though, we become more — more human, more alive, more open, more available to Life. Living “all in” requires courage.

Life hands us opportunities to jump in, the put aside our half-ass tendencies and experience the exhilaration of the unknown. Half-ass doesn’t bring us the most joy, the most fun, or the most growth, but it is a much less vulnerable stance, allowing us to believe we are protected by our mental constructs. In every moment the choice is ours — to live a “safe” life, adhering to our mind’s many rules, warnings, and worries, or to be all in, naked and vulnerable and wildly free.