When Lexapro Turns to Gold

It’s been a struggle the past several days. I can feel the sadness and lack of motivation creeping back in. On the walk to school this morning I felt physically incapable of putting one foot in front of the other. I’m no longer the soldier I once was with a strong build and marching speed.

I don’t say anything. I don’t tell anyone. I just keep going with a smile on my face. I keep it all together. I keep it all to myself, but I don’t know why. I feel alone.

In February I sank. In May I started taking Lexapro each night at bedtime. It was worst bout of depression yet, and the first time I have treated it with medication. By June I came up for air thanks to the medication.

I started on the lowest dosage knowing that it will be increased over time. Three nights ago I went from taking 10 to 15 milligrams and the side effects have begun all over again. I feel groggy during the day and wide awake at night. I feel nauseous, but yet I want to eat everything in sight. I’m irritable but I don’t act on it. I remove myself when I start to lose patience, and I do lose my patience.

It will take two weeks’ time to get into my system. In two weeks the Lexapro will turn to gold. In two weeks’ time the clouds will clear and the sun will shine again. I will feel whole.