Why I haven’t written
I’m a slave to my mind’s whims
I haven’t written for the past week or so probably for the same reason as many of you: I am a slave to my mind’s whims. Although not necessarily bad, it is necessarily chaotic.
I am disciplined when it comes to doing my daily duties and errands. But when it comes to pursuing my interests, I have no method or system for pursuit. My motto seems to be, when you have free time, do what suits your fancy.
What could suit my fancy at any given moment? Here’s a list, (sort of) in order of priority:
- cooking & planning meals (I love cooking)
- Reading (online, the news, about meditation/yoga, about novels)
- Yoga & studying for the yoga teacher training exam
- Meditation
- Looking at social media & getting worked up about politics
- Writing this blog
- Seeing friends
- Practicing piano
- Social activism (e.g.- Foodsharing, sustainable transportation, PTA involvement, Democrats Abroad)
- Gardening or planning gardening
- Watching movies with hubby
- Planning future hiking and biking trips with family
- Playing with my dog
Granted, the free time I have to pursue these activities is not very long. After I have performed my “responsibilities” as a mom, homemaker and dog owner, I usually have an hour or so leftover. And when I have that hour leftover, I want nothing more than to “choose” at random the activity that pulls me the most. The randomness of the decision-making process for something that feels so precious — free time! — often leaves me feeling stressed. I rarely do something without feeling guilty about not having picked something else.
So I try to relax on the writing. When I don’t have “time” because I’ve picked another one of my hobbies, I just hope that Johnson will understand and still accept my submissions to the 100 NW publication. “I’ll just write tomorrow”, I tell myself. Meanwhile, the blog ideas pile up.
I must admit, since adopting this attitude, writing has become more enjoyable. When I do write, it’s because the urge was powerful enough to gain my attention over other competing things.
Is this a method to becoming a better and more prolific writer? Definitely not. But at least it has a chance of keeping me in the game.
Ever since being a mom, I have been forced to take a more half-assed approach to just about everything I do (except being a parent). Sometimes I fear my willy-nilly approach to the pursuit of hobbies and activities will doom me to a life of mediocrity. Or maybe I’ve already chosen mediocrity and am just waking up to its implications. Whatever the case, being a slave to my mind’s whims during down time feels like the best option at the moment.
