100 Naked Words — Day 20
Write Your Own Story
Reflections, Ripples and Ramblings of a Restless Mind
When I talk to people about the stuff I’ve done over the last twenty odd years it is rare not to get a raised eyebrow or a ‘tell me more’ when I mention the decade I spent out in Papua New Guinea. Those of you familiar with my writing here may have already come across some of the things I’ve had to say about it from a business perspective, but every now and again I talk about it from a more human place.
I learned a lot in Papua New Guinea, and I enjoyed my time there immensely, but the travel almost cost me my family and the lifestyle (or at least the one I chose to lead) was costing me my health.
I have a good friend out there, let’s call him Stu. He recently called me out on Facebook, he felt I was blaming the country for my woes, when maybe I should have been looking in the mirror.
He’s right.
Which is why this post is not about PNG but about owning your shit.
There’s that cliche you see in the movies all the time; in order for healing to take place, you must first accept that you have a problem. As humans our egos get in the way, we seek external factors to explain our behaviour, shortcomings and failures. We will, of course, find any way to grab plaudits wherever we can even if our participation in the success was limited.
It is utterly human to say ‘it wasn’t my fault’, to say ‘you make me do / feel / react like this’, it is completely normal to want to allocate blame.
But growth begins with acceptance and blooms with ownership. Owning your fuck ups, your behaviour, your addictions, your attitude, your reactions. Owning the fact that the only person who controls your destiny is the same person you see reflected in the mirror every morning.
Language is important. ‘They didn’t give me the job’, no: ‘I didn’t get the role, I’ll find out why and work on my presentation skills’. ‘We were all having shots, what was I meant to do?’ ‘No thanks, I’ve had enough.’ We can choose our own narrative choose to be the victim, or choose to own the issue.
I’m not here to preach, so much whining (mine included) comes from a place of privilege and entitlement. I have NEVER not had a roof over my head, NEVER missed a meal because there wasn’t one to be had, NEVER wanted for health care. NEVER had love absent from my life.
I’m also not talking about depression at its most debilitating here, and for anyone reading this who is struggling to bring resilience back to their lives, I know, I understand and there is a path out. It’s not easy but it’s not impossible. Please, please, please if there’s one thing you take away from this, please take a step and talk to someone — someone qualified to help because a friend telling you you can be strong or that it’ll pass if you just think positively is not enough. And if you want to have a conversation, get in touch with me below — all I can do is share my experience and hope it helps.
I can’t solve every problem with this post — not that I wouldn’t like to —but hopefully I can galvanise one person to stop wallowing and to take a hard look in the mirror and to accept their shortcomings, and to choose change.
About me: Citizen of the World. I love writing, photography, travelling, reading, learning and growing. Medium is another journey in my life, let’s see what sights we may see. Sign up below for more of my Musings, or contact me here.
