Your secret Satan.
Merry Christmas! Not really. I hate you. I am Satan. But “hate” is not really what I mean. Not exactly. I do “love” you in that your existence solidifies my own. The duality of things is necessary after all. You can never describe anything without touching its opposite. Good and evil. Black and white. Rich and poor.
As far as “you people” go though, I’d have to say my favs, more and more with each passing millennia, are rich people. Specifically old money. Real old. The kind that knows what all that masonic crap on the dollar “really means.” (Oh, the stories I could tell.) The kind of money that will never go broke. Those at the top of the ponzi scheme that is your “economy.” I love them the most.
Those “one percenters” who have 99% of everything. Believe me, or not fuck you anyway I’m Satan, they earned it. They’ve been hiding in the shadows of your civilization since before the Pharaohs. That is really fucking hard to do considering the exponential and obvious wealth they now have compared to you. But they will always have this to help; they know it’s much easier for you to blame powerless scapegoats under a media microscope, than rich thieves like them in hiding. Those who have been stealing from you throughout the ages, stay tucked away comfortably inside castles and keeps.
Your perennial secret Satans.
It’s a great system.
I help keep it going anyway I can. You make it so easy though! I barely have to lift a hoof!
This time of year especially, I do all I can to perpetuate their income streams. More like a dam burst really. I kick myself every year for not inventing Christmas myself! (Or did I? MUHAHAHAHA!) The one time of year when everyone, no matter how dead busted, is guilted into buying useless crap for other poor people in their families.
Thank God, no really, I mean it, thank GOD you people are so easily swayed by shiny shiny and the color red. Red like a big juicy steak dripping with the need to consume your pennies so you’re not considered a “cheap scrooge.” Dickens is also one of my all time favs too by the way. Genius and totally underrated in effect in my opinion.
So, keep it up everyone! Keep spending. Don’t ask too many questions. Just never forget the economy only works when the money moves. Your money that is. Poor people money. Right to the top. So it can stay there forever. At least as forever as me.
Your governments will just make more for you to spend and send straight to the top. Don’t ever worry about “money running out” by the way. How can something that does not really exist “run out?” It will be gone from your bank account, of course, but rest assured, it’s still out there. Or should I say, up there really, but not to heaven. The piles of it just keep getting bigger and bigger for them, they that need not a penny more.
Oh, and just to clarify, when I say “poor people” I mean you with a “job” or even a “business.” Unless you’re a billionaire a few times over, I call you poor. You, as in your body and or mind, have to do “work” in this economy.
Pro tip: Did you know there are actually Trillionaire families? I’d love to show you some proof, but they are very good at hiding all that loot. Even from me!
— Satan
Unless you have enough money so your money works for you, you are a pink slip away from destitute. I’ve seen it 103,725,327,201 times. Your savings and retirement can be gobbled up by the next legislator or despot in my employ too, don’t forget, so don’t think you can “win” on that technicality. I’ll move what’s yours away from your family soon enough when you're dead. Or even before! Get it where it needs to be. Right on top of the the biggest pile going. A pile you’re told can be yours but I make sure you never ever see.
Let it sit there and rot, I say. So do they it seems! Instead of feed, clothe or house a single pathetic one of you, they need to make more by taking even more. Again, you better believe they “earned it” too. Ask anyone of them,”How do you get rich?” Answer, “Don’t spend your money.” That is the hardest “job” there is. Staying greedy is tough when compassion can come so easy. It requires hard work and persistence to have it all. Or take it all.
Try not to fight all this too hard. You can’t “win.” I’ve been doing this a very very long time. I make the rules of all competition. I am the “free market.” I know real “winners” when I see them. When I do, I take them under my leathery and fetid wing as if they were my own children.
I give them all they need. More greed. I’m Satan. That’s all I ever “give.” I am a selfish prick myself, of course.
Like a cowbird, I drop my spawn in the nearest gilded nest and let you fledge them for me. Skyscrapers in New York lately. And OH BOY do you know how fledge them! Everytime. You make them feel good, pretty and justified. You vindicate their egos by giving them more power to take everything you have. Thanks. I would show my appreciation but I won’t. I’m a dick like that. Not sorry. Those who keep taking from you feel the same.
Maybe I’m giving away too much here? I’m not good at impulse control but fuck you anyway. I’m just your secret Satan! Hiding in plain site like those I care most about. You’ll never notice me or them. I know full well it will never be me and mine that you nail to a cross. Just those that call attention to me and mine go there. I’ve got the stats to prove it too. Every other page of history.
Who do you think invented fascism? Right back just in time again too!
You’re welcome.
I was almost worried you were going to actually abandon “competition” this time around! Best euphemism for “being an asshole” there ever was. Thank God, your thirst for your own blood “wins” again.
Happy New Year! I know it will be for a very very few of you for sure. It always is. By a brilliant design set in motion before the taming of fire. I made that happen too by the way. Fire that is. Not that I care about getting credit of course. The lowest profile is the most cozy of security blankets. Under a rock is where you find the fattest worms.
And finally, if you liked this, then please heart and share it. Or even better, pay me. I need to make a living at this “writing thing” someday soon. Thanks.
