#9: My biggest jealousy
I’ve always dreamt of working overseas. Somewhere in Europe, with cobblestoned streets and intricate medieval buildings. My European friends don’t see the appeal, but then they’re on my side of the world for a reason, too. I love how history seeps into every corner, and the long lineage of culture drenching the streets. I love to hear the chatter of incomprehensible languages all around me. I love the old, handcrafted buildings that are exploding with details. This world is astounding to me, and I want to immerse myself deep into it for some time.
Many of us travel for reasons such as these. Yet a short touch-and-go doesn’t satisfy my craving. Sure, I enjoyed it, but pleasure isn’t the only thing that I’m looking for. I want to learn the nuances of a language tied to its environment and history. I want to develop appreciation for new tastes, which comes from exposure. I want to experience the full spectrum of a culture, both the good and the bad. I want to immerse myself in the many interpretations of beauty that life has to offer.
Many people I know work overseas, and they have no clue of how envious I am. You might say to me, “well then get off your ass and start looking for a job! If others can do it, so can you!”
But it isn’t that easy when you need to see 10 different doctors on a regular basis, and need a break from work every three months. Who would put up with that? Even a local might have problems finding a job. Then there are the logistical issues of healthcare, which is always a hassle. The ongoing migrant crisis is also a huge global problem. I would feel somewhat embarrassed if I did manage to get there, as if I’m there to leech off their healthcare system. I did try to apply for a few jobs but so far, no dice.
I have no support network there either, although building one just takes some effort. Should I lapse into a seizure or suffer a major flare, I would be on my own, which is a very scary thought. To be in extreme pain surrounded by family provides little relief, what more in a foreign land all alone? My country is also a small and accessible place, and I can call for a taxi at any time of night to get to the hospital. What would it be like in a bigger country, where I’m not permitted to drive due to health reasons?
This may all sound negative, and I am uncomfortable sealing them down on digital paper. But where is the writer’s integrity if I pretended otherwise? Decades of living in pain have definitely influenced the way I think, although I don’t want to use that for an excuse.
Thinking about it, perhaps I can’t accomplish this through the typical channels. I can’t solve this problem — or ‘achieve this dream’, if you prefer — the way a healthy person would. Common practices are futile exercises for me. While I may not be able to live in a different country for the long term, I could still stay there for an extended period of time. There has to be a way to reach this goal, but first, I need to focus on getting better. In fact, some of the barriers I have listed are roadblocks in my current location, too. After all, good health is your golden ticket to everything else in this life.
“Don’t be pushed by your problems, be led by your dreams.”
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
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